The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: #RHONY Goes West

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 15: "Ten Gallon Spats"

When I was watching this episode, I had one question and it isn't the question that you would think.  It wasn't, why is Aviva faking asthma?  Why are they going to Montana in the first place?  Was this really Kristen's idea?  All of these are valid questions that deserve answering, but my main question was, do women really go and get waxed together.  I see that and I'm shocked.  When you go to get a bikini wax,  you are at your most vulnerable.  Do you really want to be that exposed in front of another person, no matter how close a friend you are?  And really, I guess I could understand it if it was someone you knew for years, but Carole and Heather barely know each other.  Wasn't there a better way for them to casually bring up Kristen's planned trip to Montana?  I guess not.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Somebody Told Me...

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 10: "Skunk in the Barnyard"

You may think that Shannon Beador has gone through all the rites of passage that freshmen Housewives face.  Feud with a fellow Housewife after you thought they'd be best of friends?  Check. Marriage crumbling before our eyes?  Check.  But for an Orange County Housewife you aren't officially a part of the crew until you confide in Tamra and she blabs to anyone who will listen.  And I get that this is all on camera and eventually everyone is going to find out something if you choose to share it with someone on camera, but that doesn't give Tamra the OK to share something so deeply personal with anyone.  So, I know it's been 10 episodes, but officially welcome to the Housewives Shannon.  Hope you (and your marriage) survive the experience.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Garbage Business

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 3: "Trash Talking"

Joe Gorga is trying to kill his wife.  How else to explain the fact that he would go behind Melissa's back and buy into some futuristic garbage truck thing.  The amount of the money that he has invested in this truck thing is not known to Melissa, but it's definitely going to impact the building of their new house. Sorry Melissa.  It looks like you'll be in your "small" rental for a while longer.  Seriously, though.  Melissa loves money.  We all know this.  I'm not sure what this truck thing does for sure.  It's not a traditional garbage truck.  Apparently, it's some sort of high tech shred truck.  They get government contracts and take these documents and rather than shred them, they incinerate them down to ash. Joe seems confident about the money making prospects of this, but I'm not completely sold.  Let's all take a minute to reflect that now that her feud with Teresa is resolved, her biggest storyline revolves around trash.  Fitting.  Thank goodness for Amber and her big mouth.  More on that in a bit.

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Lies My Facialist Told Me

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 14: "Sex, Lies and Facials"

This episode finally answered the age old question that all NYC Housewives fans have been asking for two years.  Whatever happened to season(s) 2-4 cast member Kelly Killoren Bensimon.  It turns out that she is basically the same person.  She is still kind of a nut ball.  I guess she is still friend with Lu since Lu invited her to be a special guest model at her charity fashion show.  Carole seemed to enjoy Kelly, but that isn't a huge surprise.  Carole is sort of this cultural anthropologist and I think she really digs talking to Kelly, who used to be a part of this experience and now isn't, but is sort of a sister, in a weird way.  Maybe I'm being too deep about the whole thing.  Ramona just looks annoyed and steers clear of her former cast mate.  Maybe she is having flashbacks to scary island.  I kind of am.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Our Next Guest...

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 9: "Not a Good Day L.A."

You guys, we need to talk about Lizzie.  Seriously.  Sometimes I forget that she is even a part of the show. What did she do this episode?  Judge some random beauty pageant?  Talks about how she wants to have a another baby, but doesn't want to give up her career?  I'm asking because I took notes and I still don't remember.  Compelling stuff!  To be fair, I like Lizzie.  She's fun, she's pretty, she's smart.  Her husband has edged out Mauricio and Eddie for hottest Housewife spouse, but if she doesn't do something to make herself stand out and fast, she'll be a one season wonder.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: The Password Is Crotch

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 2: "O, Christmas Tre"

Who wants to be a member of the Marchese family?  Seriously.  Their kids are going to grow up to be seriously messed up.  It's Christmas time in Jersey, but it's not all fun and games.  Disasters happen and the Marchese's want their kids to be ready for anything.  And what better way to prepare them then with the fire drill that launched a thousand future therapy sessions.  How else to explain all this craziness?  A collapsible ladder out the window, Jim demonstrating how "safe" it is.  To be fair, when Jim was dangling out the window there was a look that flashed over Amber's face that said, maybe we are taking this too far. Amber did say she used to hate kids and I'm thinking maybe she still does.  Maybe  that helps explain why she didn't stop the craziness, like when she was blowing the air horn and telling the little ones that they have killed the dog and now mommy and daddy have burned to a crisp.  Merry Christmas, Marchese children.  There won't be sugar plums dancing in your head on Christmas Eve, instead it will be the charred corpses of your parents dancing while you cry.

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Off to the Races

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 13: "Win, Place or Sonja"

Shortly after this episode aired, I really railed against George.  He's an old pervert who gets away with his ridiculous behavior because of his age.  I mean, I detest Ramona most of the time, but does she deserve to be talked to that way?  Does she deserve to have someone say that if she died he would go to her funeral and fondle her corpse?  And why isn't Aviva doing anything about this?  If Aviva wants to be buddy buddy with Ramona, why is she allowing her father to treat her "friends" this way?  We'll get into that more later.  

When I was on a Housewives fansite (don't judge me!) railing against George's uncouth behavior, a commenter brought up Sad Sonja, who was especially sad this episode, again, more on that later.  Sonja has dated a 23 year old this season and we have seen her hit on multiple barely legal boys, but no one seems to be batting an eyelash.  People laugh it off.  Sonja's crazy.  It's who she is.  Granted, she's not flashing her vagina or rubbing it against people's legs, but she should be absolved.  Is she just as much of a perv as George, but she gets a pass?

Personally, I think Sonja is not as bad as George.  She is ridiculous, but relatively harmless.  George is touching women with his hands and other... things.  Not cool.  And there is no excuse.  Just because he is over 80 doesn't mean that he should be exempt from common decency.