"The Real Housewives of Potomac": Episode 1: "Don't Let the Zip Code Fool Ya"
The first season of "The Real Housewives of Potomac" was a hit for Bravo last year, but it left some devotees of the various iterations of the franchise scratching their heads. This is the second installment to feature an entirely African American cast, but these ladies were decidedly different from the women of the ATL. No one was cashing Trump checks, it didn't seem like anyone was looking to record a one-hit wonder and there was a nary a Big Poppa in sight. The Potomac women were more into etiquette and birthday seating and pressuring man children into marriages they didn't want. The ladies seemed to pick up the pace and were hitting a groove when they sat down for Gizelle's "Come to Jesus" lunch. You remember. The one where self proclaimed grand dame Karen told spring chicken Ashley that she should allow her husband to ejaculate inside her to become pregnant rather than continue with the "pull-out method."
Season Two opens a little slowly with a lot of catch up and fall out from the ladies first reunion, but once Gizelle and Charrisse had their alleyway tete a tete, it was clear these women had thrown the etiquette book out the window. Let's rewind and take a look at how we got there by checking with each lady from least to most interesting.
Karen and Ray are officially empty nesting with daughter Rayvin away at college. They've decided to downsize which is great, but seems a little fishy. Karen doesn't seem like the kind of lady who would willingly downsize unless something was up. Karen proves to be the nightmare one would expect she'd be while looking for homes. It's not surprising that she needs two realtors to deal with her lists of "must haves" including a circular drive to avoid backing out. Who backs out? You know who? Poor people. And Karen may have once worked at Taco Bell or whatever but that was a long time ago. That was before she married the Black Bill Gates who has attained a doctorate between this season and last. Another of Karen's "must-haves" is a pool which Dr. Gates was not familiar with. I do agree with Karen that a dining room is no place for a bathroom, but this whole sequence was a little boring as a re-introduction to one of the show's largest personalities. Here's hoping Karen steps it up in the coming weeks, otherwise she might get showed up by Charrisse. Side bar: Karen was finally rocking some good hair in this episode. Hopefully those plastered forehead bangs of season one are gone for good.
Robyn has already found a new house but it's 45 minutes from Potomac and is *gasp* a townhouse. It's probably a bad sign that the most interesting thing about Robyn's scenes this episode to me was the brief shot of her at the beginning doing the slime bucket challenge which I was positive was made up until I Google'd it. Apparently, it was started by a group called Action for Children, but it doesn't seem like it caught on like that other bucket challenge with the ice. Robyn and Juan are still kind of together, but Juan seems more interested in playing video games than interacting with his ex-wife. Juan seemed like a decent guy last year, but he comes off as kind of a dick this episode. We maybe just caught Juan on a bad day, but based on the trailer, I'm not convinced. All I know for certain is that if Robyn doesn't find a more compelling storyline sometime this season she may not make it to a third.
The Darby's are having some problems with their restaurant OZ. The main problem being that no one wants to eat there. The land down under is known for lots of things: Crocodile Dundee, dingos eating babies. One thing it is not known for is it's delicious cuisines, so it's not a huge surprise that the people of Potomac are not flocking to devour emu or whatever. The negative impact it's having on Ashley and Michael's marriage is apparent. Gone is the free spirited couple who were dry humping relative strangers and dropping trou at elegant boat parties. Ashley can't be bothered with her failing restaurant because she has a local dance competition to win. Ashley is competing in local "Dancing with the Stars" rip-off "Manifest Your Destiny," which Gizelle competed in last year and is judging this year. This reminds me of the similar completion that Kim Zolciak was on. The same one where she met Kroy. Does every city have something like this? Ashley ties for the win even scoring a "10" from Gizelle. I was a little touched when Michael admitted that he worries about losing Ashley. Maybe there's hope for these crazy kids after all.
This brings us to the main event of this season premiere: Gizelle vs. Charrisse or Cha Cha if you're nasty. This is a classic Housewife feud. Classic in this instance meaning both parties are in the wrong. Charrisse may not have said "Gizelle, you're a whore" at last season's reunion, but she definitely implied it in a way that made it seem like it was no big deal because Gizelle had said it about herself. Gizelle is all about self promotion but going on dates or wearing lingerie to a hotel to meet a guy you're seeing does not a whore make. This didn't give Gizelle the right to go on "Watch What Happens Live" and tell the world that Charrisse has a secret fireman boyfriend. Is this the first time a clip from "WWHL" has been shown on a Real Housewives episode? I think it is, but I could be mistaken. Feel free to school me in the comments.
The mature thing to do would be for both women to admit they were wrong and apologize, so of course Gizelle is beating a dead horse with everyone except Charrisse while Charrisse is paying lawyers to send cease and desist letters. I'm curious how Eddie feels about paying these legal fees.
Charrisse was one of the least defined women from the first season. She was in an unhappy marriage which is currently in the process of officially dissolving. Other than that, I felt like Charrisse was holding a lot back. She never came across as genuine and I can't say that she is doing better in that regard this season. Charrisse seems to be having some sort of a mid-life crisis. She's making videos with her daughter, the subject of which are not revealed. Perhaps they are rap videos featuring Charrisse's newly discovered alter ego Cha Cha. She's boozing it up with her daughter's former gymnastics coach who I was sure was just a classmate of her daughters until I saw him chug that Merlot. The less said about her titty popping out during her interview the better.
Gizelle and Charrisse decide to work things out in a back alley after Ashley's dance competition. This definitely feels like something that can be tied up in like 10 before Gizelle's date. Good choice ladies. Rather than have a productive discussion, the women just repeat the things they've been saying to the other women to each other this time, so, progress? And Cha Cha proves that she is hip to the hip-hop of today by spitting some mad rhymes at Gizelle before she is dismissed by the latter who decides to leave for her date.
It took almost 40 minutes but towards the end of the episode I was ready for more. How about you guys? Are you excited to spend another season with the not DC Housewives of Potomac? Any first impressions of Katie Rost replacement, Monique Samuels? Speaking of Katie, were you happy to see her in the preview for next week? Let me know in the comments.
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