Thursday, January 30, 2014

The 2014 Grammy Awards Were Kind of a Shit Show

Weird Collabos, WTF?! Winners, Pharrell's Mountie Hat and Disrespect at the End Mar Music's Biggest Night


Every year, the Grammys self proclaim that Grammy night is "music's biggest night."  Yet, every year it seems they fail to live up to that self proclamation.  This year's ceremony, which took place last night, featured more of the same.  

So, the Grammys started off on a pretty high note.  Queen Bey, hair wet, ass out, doing the sexiest chair dance this side of Flashdance.  She's groovin'.  Waxing that surfboard.  I'm thoroughly enjoying the first  live television performance of "Drunk In Love."  Then Jay waltzes out in his suit and tie.  They prove that they are flawless and maybe the best celebrity couple of them all.  I know there were a few haters out there who were not feeling the queen, but let me tell you something.  If you were not a fan of YoncĂ©, but you praised Hunter Hayes performance, your opinion officially doesn't matter.

So, after Bey shows them how it's done, I was pretty pumped.  I should've known better.  I mean, did anything else really happen in that first hour and a half?  There was Lorde's pretty flawless performance, complete with pretty awesome claws.  It was very minimalist and very cool.  Too bad it was followed by that horrible overwrought performance by Hunter Hayes.  It was a terrible song.  I'm all for bullying going away, but what was the deal with those quotes?  One from Johnny Depp?  Seriously?  It was awful.  All of it.

You have to sort of hand it to Katy Perry.  She at least tried to bring a little spectacle to a show that was pretty stale even if the whole thing made it seem like she was auditioning to be the next supreme.  Jessica Lange is not impressed.  

Grammy collabos are strange animals.  If  you look up hit or miss in the dictionary you'll see a picture of Adele and Sugarland performing together at the Grammys.  This years awards featured a lot of odd pairings that looked good on paper, but the execution was not the best.  I mean, I like "Saturday in the Park" as much as the next guy, but I'm less a fan when it segues into 2013's date rape anthem, "Blurred Lines."

Not every collaboration was terrible.  Imagine Dragons and Kendrick Lamar should have been terrible but they ended up being one of the best of the night.  The remixed "Radioactive" woke up the audience at the Staples Center and at home.  The momentum continued with Daft Punk's all-star rendition of "Get Lucky."  They were joined by Stevie Wonder, Pharrell and Nile Rodgers.

The most talked about performance of the night was Macklemore and Ryan Lewis' "Same Love."  The duo performed their gay anthem with Mary Lambert and about midway through the performance a variety of couples, gay and straight, were married by Queen Latifach.  Listen.  This is a great song.  It gets me every time and by the time the weddings were performed I was as teary as Keith Urban.  That's right, I saw you Keith.  You big softie.  There were some issues though.  I mean, sort of ironic that famously closeted lesbian, Queen Latifah, was officiating some gay weddings, when she has never publicly acknowledged her own love for the ladies.  Was this maybe a way for the Queen to come out without really coming out?  Who knows.  The less said about Madonna's geriatric pimp walk out towards the end of the song to warble "Open Your Heart" the better.  I love you, Madge.  But that was a hot mess.

The Grammys closed with a powerhouse rock performance by Nine Inch Nails, Lindsey Buckingham and Queens of the Stone Age.  Except CBS decided to cut it off before Queens was finished, resulting in an angry tweet from NIN frontman, Trent Reznor.  Keep it classy, CBS.

The less said about the actual awards given out the better.  Macklemore beating out Kendrick Lamar for best rap album?  Seriously.  Even Macklemore knew that Kendrick was robbed.  Better luck next Grammys.  Better luck next year.

So, what did you guys think?  Any performances that you loved?  Hated?  Let me know.


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