The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Mamma Mia!

The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 8: "Mama Elsa Comes Home"

It's been 8 episodes and the star of the show has finally arrived.  Mama Elsa is finally out of the hospital, back at home and back in front of the cameras.  We all know that part of the reason that Marysol is still on the show and that the show is still on is because of Mama Elsa.  She may have a face that only Marysol could love and that scares small children, but she is a hoot.  She is full of life and some of the best moments of the show have been Elsa keeping with ladies half her age.  Her appearance on this episode made me smile, but it also made me a little sad.  Oh yeah, other stuff happened too.  Hit the jump to find out more.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Carlton is Not Amused

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Episode 2: "Faint Chance"

It can't be easy being the new Housewife on the block.  You are thrown in with these women who are years deep in ridiculous feuds.  You have to organize lunches or be forced to sit through lunches organized for the sole purpose of trying to get  you on someone's side who  you have maybe met once. This is what Carlton and Joyce were subjected to on this episode.  One of them took to it like a beauty queen to a pageant.  The other one?  Not so much.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Kandi Mama Drama

The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Episode 2: "Girl Code Breakers"

I feel like I'm experiencing a little deja vu here, y'all.  Hasn't Kandi been in this situation with Mama Joyce before?  I'm pretty sure they have danced this dance before with Kandi's first fiance, A.J. (may he rest in peace).  Kandi's hair may be longer and Mama Joyce's wig may be (a little) better, but the accusations of gold digging and Kandi's amazing facial expressions remain the same.  So, what went down with the ladies in this episode?  Hit the jump to find out.

Glee Recap: Say Good-bye

Glee, Episode 3: "The Quarterback"

I have sat down to write this a thousand times.  I have sat and stared at the blank page over and over and I've come up empty.  What is there to say?  What is there to say about an actor on a television show that impacted you so much, that when you found out about his death, you shed a couple of tears.  I had no idea how invested I was, how much the show had affected me, until this moment.  It was odd.  I really enjoy Glee.  I make fun of it, because sometimes it is beyond ridiculous and sometimes they just drop plot threads with no mention of them every again no matter how major or minor they may be.  The show handles heavy subjects and handles some of them well (hello, bullying) and some, not so well (Marley's eating disorder).  Even when faced with absurd amounts of ridiculata, the cast found ways to shine, none moreso than affable, everyman Finn Hudson as portrayed by Cory Monteith.  Finn was the emotional center of the show and so intertwined in it's core that it'll be hard to watch the last two seasons without him.  I'm stalling.  OK.  Deep breath.  Let's dive in and see how the show handled, arguably, it's biggest episode ever.

The Voice Recap: Here Come the Top 10

The Voice, Episode 15: "The Top 10 Revealed"

It's time to get down and dirty, y'all.  These are going to be some hard cuts.  These contestants rock.  Even the worst of them (ahem, Josh) are better than anyone on say The X-Factor.  This season also introduces a new way to save your favorite contestant.  America was able to tweet the name of the contestant they wanted to save.  So, who was the recepient of this weeks coveted America's Save?

Bottom 3

Josh Logan

Kat Robichaud

Jonny Gray

America Save

Kat Robichaud

Ok, hot pants.  You have one more week to wow me.  I'm not sure it'll happen.  So, did the right contestant get saved?  Sound off.

The Voice Recap: Too Close to Call?

The Voice, Episode 14: "Top 12 Perform"

I don't know, guys.  I know that in the last recap, I declared that Team Adam was the team to beat.  I may have been wrong.  I mean, my heart still belongs to Team Adam, but there are contestants on each coaches team that could take this whole thing.  If they keep it up with the phenomenal vocals and the surprising song choices, this will keep being the most entertaining season of the show yet.  After the jump, we'll take a look at how the top 12 fared.

The Voice Recap: Here Comes the Top 12

The Voice, Episode 13: "The Top 12 Revealed"

The results are in and we have a top 12.  I have to say, for the most part, America made the right decisions.  Let's break it down real quick team by team.

Team Blake

America Saves:

Cole Vosbury 

Austin Jenckes

Blake Saves:

Ray Boudreaux

Team Cee Lo

America Saves:

Caroline Pennell

Jonny Gray

Cee Lo Saves:

Kat Robichaud

Team Xtina

America Saves:

Jacquie Lee

Matthew Schuler

Xtina Saves:

Josh Logan (What?!)

Team Adam

America Saves:

James Wolpert

Tessanne Chin

Adam Saves:

Will Champlin (Nice save!)

So, what do you guys think?  Did America make the right decision?  Let me know.

The Voice Recap: Does Team Adam Have This in the Bag?

The Voice, Episode 12: "Live Rounds - Part 1"

Does Adam Levine have this season won before the live rounds have even begun?   I know it's early and things can change, but after watching this first group of live performances and I have to say, Adam's team is pretty awesome.  I'm not sure any of the other teams have contestants that can take on the one-two punch of James Wolpert and Tessanne Chin.  That's not to say there aren't any other talented vocalists on the other times.  There are.  This is maybe the best season to date, but Team Adam will be tough to beat.  After the jump, we'll look at the performances.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 4 Premiere Recap: A Witch and a Beauty Queen Walk Into a Party

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Episod 1: "A Catered Affair to Remember"

The ladies of the 90210 made their triumphant return to Bravo with a season premiere that teases big things to come.  I think we can all agree that last season was pretty lackluster, but the women brought their A games and based on that tease for the season.  Wow.  Are these bitches really trying to come for Lisa?  Is that happening?  They be stupid.  So, what went down?  Hit the jump for more.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 6 Premiere Recap: Twirl Vs. Bloop

The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Episode 1: "Bye Bye With the Wind"

The Southern Belles of the ATL are back with season 6 of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  It looks like this may be the craziest season of them all.  Last year, we had gone with the wind fabulous, ashy and fans.  It looks like this season we'll have evictions, brawls, and offers of fellatio through text message.  Oh my.  So, where are the ladies now?  After the jump, I'll break it down Housewife by Housewife.

The Voice "Knockouts" Recap: TKO

The Voice, Episodes 10 & 11: "Knockouts"

I'm behind.  So, I'm not going to spend too much time on these Knockouts, because, you know, what's done is done.  I'm going to list each knockout round.  I'll list the team, the match-up, who won, if the coach made the right decision, and if there was  a steal (a Knockouts first).  All right, enough talk, hit the jump and we'll dive right in.

The Voice "Battle Rounds" Recap: Two Enter, One Leaves... Maybe

The Voice, Episodes 6, 7, 8 & 9: "The Battle Rounds"

So, I know that my recaps have been absent for the past couple of weeks, but I decided instead of recapping each "battle round" episode separately, I'd just do one mega battle rounds post when they were done.  I'm thinking about doing the same for the "Knockouts: Now with Steals!"  Before we dive in, let's talk about Xtina.  Let's start with the positives, shall we?  The Voice Within has come a long way since she first started as a coach.  Remember when her feud with Adam was nearing Nicki/Mimi levels?  For both their sakes, the dueling coaches dialed it down and now they are BFF's... on camera.  After taking a season long breather, Xtina came back with a vengeance.  She's svelte, her hair looks halfway normal, and there's been nary a sighting of decolletage since season 5 started.  In fact, Xtina is firing on all cylinders in every area except for one.  Coaching.  Seriously, Xtina.  I love you, but some of the choices you made during these battles really baffled me.  The purpose is not to create a team of mini-mes, but create a team with vocalists you think could actually win.  Seriously.  Have you learned nothing from the premature exit of De'Borah?  Yes, I'm still bitter.  *Sigh*  Well, let's take a deep dive into this season's battles and find out who made it, who was sent packing and who got stole.

The Voice Recap: Desperate Measures

The Voice, Episode 5: "The Blind Auditions: Part 5"

It's getting down to the wire on The Voice.  The coaches only have a few slots left.  They are being pickier and they are fighting harder for the vocalists that they really want.  They are pulling out all the stops to pitch woo, including making the performance all about them.  I'm looking at  you Xtina.  Let's take a look at the talent from the last night of blinds.

Glee Recap: Brundle Prom Queen

Glee, Episode 2: "Tina in the Sky With Diamonds"

Glee continued honoring the Beatles with the second part of its tribute also known as stopgap to sadness.  There was an even larger dark cloud hanging over this episode.  I couldn't have been the only one waiting for Rachel to get a phone call about Finn during that closing number.  It would be just like the writers to temper what is probably Rachel's happiest life moment thus far with her saddest.  So, what went down?  Hit the jump for more.

The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: What's in a (Birkin) bag?

The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 7: "La La Land"

Hmm... Andy Cohen loves the telenovela style of the Miami Housewives, but it is the lowest rated of the franchise.  It turns out that Lea and Joanna both have homes in Los Angeles and live there half the year.  Could this have been their audition for the Beverly Hills version of the franchise should theirs go belly up?  There were parts of it that wouldn't have seemed out of place if  you had substitued Lisa, Lea, and Joanna for Kyle, Lisa, and Brandi with the jewelery shopping and the hunt for a Birkin bag.  So, what all went down?  Hit the jump for more.

The Voice Recap: Xtina Needs Love Too

The Voice, Episode 4: "The Blind Auditions: Part 4"

Before we dive into your (semi) regularly scheduled The Voice recap, I think we have to say thanks to another Monday night reality show, Dancing With the Stars.  Why should we thank them? you ask.  Allow me to elaborate.  I'm not sure if you've noticed the absence of Christina Milian.  She had the most worthless job in all of television.  She was The Voice's social media correspondent.  She used to stand in that rotunda and awkwardly interview the contestants and their families and read Twitter comments.  If I wanted to hear what people on Twitter were saying, I'd go on Twitter.  Go away Milian.  Well, all you Milian haters out there (and I know I am not the only one), we all can thank the other big Monday night reality show for casting her.  I'm not sure if she'll be back in the winter, but let's all just be thankful we won't have to deal with her inane banter.  Now, let's look at the second to last episode of the blind auditions.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: It's Time For Another Posche Event...

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 17: "Hair We Go Again"

When the ladies of the Garden State hear the words "Posche", "fashion show", "party" in any combination, their first instinct should be to run for the hills.  Instead, they do the exact opposite of what good sense says.  They pump their hair, put on their shiniest outfit, raccoon ring their eyes (I'm looking at  you Teresa), and head out to support New Jersey's most inexplicable business owner.  It was more of the same in the season's penultimate issue as Kim D. opened her second store and the women came out to support her and to confront Penny and her husband.  What happened?  Hit the jump for more.

The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Mothers and Mother-In-Laws

The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 6: "A Ple-Thora of Lies"

Kids today have a lot to deal with.  They have to deal with the normal things that we've all had to deal with like homework and overbearing parents.  If you're the child of a Real Housewife of Miami, you have a few more things to deal with.  You have to plan your own birthday party.  You have to deal with your friend's mom texting you because she is mad at your mom.  You have to deal with your mom's friends singing happy birthday to you.  It's a lot.  Yes, mommy issues were front and center with this epsiode.  Hit the jump for more.

Glee Fifth Season Premiere Recap: Love Is All You Need?

Glee, Episode 1: "Love, Love, Love"

It's a new day for Fox's musical dramedy.  This is the first Finn-less episode.  I know what you're thinking.  Finn was absent for the last few episodes of season four.  You are correct.  There was still a chance he would come back though.  This is an era where in just two short episodes we will be saying good-bye to him for good.  The season premiere ignored Finn all completely to focus on some dangling loose ends from last season and to celebrate the greatest band of all time, The Beatles.  While, the episode was pretty upbeat, a dark cloud hung over the whole proceedings, since we know what's to come.  So, what happened?  Hit the jump for more.

The Voice Recap: So You've Won Three Times...

The Voice, Episode 3: "The Blind Auditions: Part 3"

Tonight, Blake Shelton decided to bring out the big guns.  Yes, reality television's biggest lover of props, he's been known to bust out his various CMA awards, added some new ones to his bag.  Is that a good reason to choose a coach?  Some of the contestants thought so and picked Blake, based solely on the fact that he is the winningest coach.  I'm not sure if this is the best idea.  So, who made some impressions?  Hit the jump to find out.

The Voice Recap: Jamaican Me Crazy

The Voice, Episode 2: "The Blind Auditions: Part 2"

Three-time Voice winning coach, Blake Shelton, came roaring back this episode, using that pointing finger and sheepish grin to start adding contestants to his team.  This episode really kept upping the ante on the talent and the ladies continue to bring it.  Let's take a look at the contestants who scored a coveted spot on one of the coaches team.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Penny for Your Thoughts

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 16: "The Blonde Drops a Bombshell"

Oh Penny, where did you come from?  I'm sure the Housewives would disagree with me, but despite the fact that she seems to be a pretty unapologetic fame whore, I'm glad she's here.  Now, I can finally say, Penny keeps turning up like a bad penny!  Hooray for puns!  That being said, Penny, we have to to talk, girl to gay boy.  What the fuck is wrong with your hair and makeup?  Everytime we see you, you look like a possum caught in the headlights of a car while digging through someone's trash.  And that hair!  You own a salon.  So, theoretically, you have access to all these top notch hair products, so there is no reason why your hair should look like that.  That clip in ponytail you had on in this episode?  Oy vey.  Where did that come from?  A late night infomercial?  Seriously.  Penny, you are the Kim D of salon owners.  That is not a compliment.  So, what bombshell did this bottle blonde drop?  Hit the jump to find out.

Fall TV Preview: Grey's Anatomy Season 10

Should Grey's Anatomy End?

Tonight is the 10th(!) season premiere of ABC's medical hit, Grey's Anatomy.  It has overcome a lot.  There was the gay slur that Isaiah Washington hurled at co-star T.R. Knight during the show's heyday. There was ghost sex.  There was Gizzie.  Derek and Meredith broke up and made up and broke up and got Post-It married and then got officially married and adopted a baby and then had a real baby.  There have been bombs, ferry crashes, sink holes, gunmen loose in the halls of the hospital and a plane crash. Through it all, the show has remained one of the top dramas on TV.  This season, the show is set to suffer what may be its biggest loss to date.  A few weeks ago, it was announced that original cast member, Sandra Oh, would be leaving after this season.  A lot of people, myself included, feel like the real core relationship of the show isn't Mer and Der, but Mer and her person, Cristina.  Even if everyone signs on for another season, should the show continue without Cristina Yang.  For that and a look at where we left off and where the new season is headed, hit the jump.

Fall TV Preview: Glee Season 5

What Will Glee Look Like Without Finn?

This summer, Gleeks everywhere were shocked by the news of star Cory Monteith's premature death of a drug overdose.  After the initial shock wore off, everyone was wondering what Fox's musical high school dramedy would do next.  Two months later, we have our answer and it's not what you maybe thought, as Glee kicks off it's fifth season with a two episode tribute to the Beatles.  For more on the upcoming season, hit the jump.

The Voice Season Premiere Recap: Putting the Band Back Together

The Voice, Episode 1: "The Blind Auditions, Part 1"

The Voice roared back to television last night and it was riding high.  Sunday saw it beat out reigning champ, The Amazing Race, and win the Primetime Emmy for Outstanding Reality Competition Show.  Christina Aguilera and Cee Lo Green are back, joining Adam Levine and Blake Shelton.  The originalm coaches were reunited and it felt so good, kicking the show of with a rollicking rendition of Joan Jett and the Blackhearts' "I Love Rock and Roll."  It was nice to see Xtina and Cee Lo back in the giant red swivel chairs where they belong.  I like Usher and Shakira, but I think I prefer the original lineup.  It's not about the coaches though, it's about "the voice."  So, let's look at the standouts in last night's blind auditions, that make me think this could be the best season of so far.

Fall TV Preview: Hostages Vs. The Blacklist

Time Slot Battle: NBC's The Blacklist Vs. CBS' Hostages

It's fall TV time and networks are pulling out all the stops in order to get people to watch their newest offerings and their returning shows.  Another thing they like to do is make it really hard to watch the things that you want to watch, by pitting good shows or shows with a lot of buzz against each other.  This is happening Mondays at 10/9c as new shows Hostages and The Blacklist go head to head.  They are also going head to head with reigning champ, Castle.  So, let's break down this battle after the jump.

Fall TV Preview: Castle Season 6

Fall TV Preview: Will Beckett Say Yes?

Tonight marks the official start of the 2013/2014 television season aka the most wonderful time of the year.  Everyday I will be previewing shows that I watch, plus some new shows or some interesting time slot battles.  If you are looking for information on shows that have a more sci-fi/fantasy/action feel to them, those will be on my other blog, fanboyrealness.blogspot.com.  

First up, we'll take a look at the sixth season of Castle.

The 2013 Primetime Emmy Awards

2013 Primetime Emmy Awards:  Who Will/Should Win

Tonight is the 65th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards.  It is going to be hosted by awards show favorite Neil Patrick Harris.  All signs point to this being Breaking Bad's night as it begins the first part of what is sure to be a two part victory lap for it's final season.  There are always surprises to be had though, remember when James Spader beat out James Gandolfini in his final performance as Tony Soprano?  So, let's take a look at each of the major races and I'll give you my predictions on who will win and who I feel should win (if there is a difference).

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: A United Front?

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 15: "Zen Things I Hate About You"

This trip to Arizona has not been your typical New Jersey Housewife vacation.  There has been nary a fight in sight.  Everyone seems to be getting along, relationships are being mended and bridges were being rebuilt.  All in all, it's been a little boring.  While this episode continued this trend, it wasn't long before subtle shade was being thrown and glasses were being thrown at the wall.  So, what led back to these familiar scenes?  Hit the jump to find out.

Fall TV Preview: Down and Out in Beverly Hills

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Season 4

&

Vanderpump Rules, Season 2

This November, Bravo is heading back to the 90210 with the premieres of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and it's spin-off, Vanderpump Rules.  Based on the recently revealed trailers for both series, it looks like big changes are ahead for the beautiful people of Beverly Hills.

The Housewives saw a bit of a cast shake-up this year, saying good-bye to Adrienne Maloof and Camille Grammer.  Taylor Armstrong has also been demoted to "Friend of the Housewives" and is rumored to appear very little.  Two new Housewives have been cast to spice things up, two-time Miss Puerto Rico, Joyce Girard de Ohoven (standing between Kyle and Yolanda), and practicing Wiccan and actress, Carlton Gebbia (seated between Brandi and Lisa).  

Based on the trailer, we are in for a much more intense season.  The unlikely friendship between Brandi and Lisa looks to be splintering and it looks like a lot of people are coming for the Lady Vanderpump.  There are cheating rumors brewing between Kyle and Mauricio.  Yolanda and Kim are yelling at Ken. I have to say, I love Lisa and I'm always Team Vanderpump, so these other bitches better watch their backs.

Over at SUR, Lisa's wait staff and bartenders are still as slutty and self obsessed as ever.  It looks like there are still problems between vain, childish, Jax and horrible person, Stassi.  Someone on the staff boned Jax and the princess is on the warpath, even going off on Pandora, Lisa's daughter.  Scheana is getting married!

After the jump, you can watch the trailers for the new seasons.

The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Find Out Who Your Friends Are

The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 5: "A Cause for Concern"

Lines are drawn in this episode and Alexia is caught between two worlds.  She wants to remain neutral in the war between the Cubans and Lea Black, but unfortunately, Switzerland is not a recognized country in the Housewives United Nations.  So, how did Alexia navigate the treacherous waters of "playing both sides?"  Were there actual famous people at Lea's annual Black's Gala?  Was anyone thinking of the children?  Hit the jump to find out.

Divas of the Fall: Part VI

This week, Britney Spears decided that Katy Perry and Lady GaGa shouldn't be having all the fun, so she released her new single, "Work Bitch," on Monday.  Then, she decided to helicopter in and announce on Good Morning America that she would be releasing her eighth album on December 3rd, and that she was beginning a two year residency at Planet Hollywood in Vegas.  The Vegas residency had been a rumor for a while, so it was nice to see it confirmed.

As far as the song, I love it.  It has a driving, thumping groove, with Spears telling listeners if you want a hot body, or a Bugatti amongst other things, you better work bitch.  Spears shows that she should never be ignored or forgotten and that she still throw down with the newest pop divas 8 albums and 13 years later.  I'm not sure how much radio play this will get, but it is a nice opening salvo.

Take a listen to "Work Bitch" after the jump, and let me know what you think in the comments.

The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Dark Lady

The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 4: "Black Magic"

Since the ladies in Miami are relatively new to the scene, there are still a lot of things we don't know about them.  I mean, we know quite a bit.  We know Lea likes to be loud, Marysol loves her mama and her cockies, Alexia loves her boys, Adriana is all about the drama, Joanna is all about the cock and Lisa is...  um... she... wants a baby... and... is... busy?  Well, we know a lot about most of them.  The ladies are still capable of surprising us though.  Hit the jump for some of the new things we learned in this episode.

Divas of the Fall: Part V

Katy Perry continued on her road to world domination releasing the music video for her most successful single to date, "Roar," and the album cover for her third album, "Prism."

The "Roar" video is a Tarzan takeoff with Katy and her beau's plane crash landing in the jungle.  Katy is a little disoriented but her man is not, snapping duck face selfies until he gets eaten by a tiger.  At this point, Katy becomes Jane of the Jungle, making friends with a monkey and getting showered by a randy elephant.  She stumbles into a cave and sees some drawings that leads her to a confrontation with a tiger, who is no match for the Mighty Perry roar.  The video is cheesy and fun and a little cheeky.  It's totally Katy Perry, but a little bit of a letdown compared to the "Teenage Dream" era videos.

The album artwork for "Prism" shows a washed out Katy on the beach.  It sort of looks like a five year old girl made it using "My First Photoshop."  Hopefully, the quality of the album art does not reflect the quality of the content.

Hit the jump to see the artwork for "Prism" and the video for "Roar."  Let me know what you think of them in the comments.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Horsing Around

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 14: "Horse Whisper to a Scream"

Watching this season has sort of been like watching a series of more vulgar Dr. Phil episodes.  It seems like ever since the castle retreat with Dr. V every episode has been chocked full of therapy speak.  It has continued during this birthday trip for Melissa in Arizona.  It almost seems like Joe doesn't know his wife at all, because it seems like Melissa, vainest and shallowest of all the New Jersey Housewives, wants nothing to do with it.  Too bad, Melissa.  Vacation continues along with group therapy and horses.  Seriously, who else thinks that horse therapist will be the newest Bravolebrity?  I would watch every episode.  So, how did things go?  Hit the jump and find out.

The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: And the Oscar Goes To...

The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 3: "Booby Trapped"

Oh, Adriana.  If there was an award for Best Actress in a Reality Series, you would be the front runner and that is saying something.  You might be fooling Frederic and Marysol, even Alexia, but we can see right through you.  We know what went down at your meeting with Lea and we know that whatever happened, your version of events is unrecognizable from what really went down.  This will all come back to bite her and I'm excited to watch the reunion because I have a feeling it is going to be the unraveling of Adriana.  She won't be able to just sit back and say nothing like she did last year, especially since the majority of the drama so far has centered around her.

We rejoin the Lea/Adriana bout already in progress.  Adriana is outside getting rained on, calling for a cab.  Lea really comes out looking the best here.  I think Lea is all talk.  She wants to have people believe that she doesn't care and that she is over Adriana, but there is genuine concern there when she tries to convince Adriana to come out of the rain.  I feel like if Adriana had apologized or made overtures to Lea to continue their friendship, it would have happened.  Unfortunately, Adriana continued her tour de force performance.  She did have a flicker of genuineness when she apologized to Lea for not sticking up for her against Ana at last year's reunion, but that was short lived as she once again brought up Lea taking Joanna's side when it came to the slap heard 'round Florida last season.  Lea, again, tried to explain that she didn't condone the smacking and that doesn't mean that she took anyone's side.  Lea gets down to brass tacks and asks Adriana why she is so jealous of Joanna.  Of course Adriana denies it, but it's totally true.  Adriana takes off and that seems to be the nail in the coffin of this friendship.

Joanna and Romain have moved on from their prenup drama and have moved on to their lack of sex drama.  They find an appropriate time to discuss their lack of lovemaking, during a tennis match.  I mean, it's totally cool to talk during a tennis match, right?  I don't know much about tennis, but I assume that's cool.  It's not Joanna's fault the sound of women grunting and balls smacking was getting her all hot and bothered.  Romain uttered some lame excuses, including the term "change the sauce?"  Apparently, that is his way of saying that things are boring.  Joanna begs to differ because she is down to do it whenever and wherever.  She'll go out on the court, lay down and have Romain bang her right there while Maria Sharapova plays tennis over them.  Or maybe they can just go to a sex therapist.

Adriana tells Frederic her version of what went down with Lea, which includes claims that Lea said she paid for all of Alex's school, that Lea called her a charity case, and finall that Lea broke her umbrella and shoved her out in the rain, while she cackled with Freyda and pointed and laughed while Adriana was blinded by the copious amounts of mascara that was dripping into her eyes.  Frederic was incensed!  He's not afraid of Lea Black and to show it he is going to send her a text threatening her.  That Frederic, what a guy.

Alexia continues to enable her son's horrific behavior.  What do you do when your terrible son beats a homeless guy in the nads and films it?  You build him a home recording studio, of course.  Duh.  That'll teach him that starting a him vs homeless guys fight club is wrong.  Then we are treated, I'm not sure if that is the right word, to Peter's song that he wrote when Frankie was in the hospital.  Alexia claims that it brought the doctors and nurses to tears, but I'm unconvinced.  In fact, I was rolling my eyes so hard that I'm pretty sure I went temporarily blind.  I mean, I must have an ice cold heart since a kid lamely rapping about drugs and bitches and swag didn't get me teary eyed.  Alexia knows that Peter needs help so she seeks out advice from her mom, Dr. Nancy.  I think that the producers are trying to turn Nancy into the new Mama Elsa and let me tell you, no.  Just no.  She kind of looks like the blob that Bill Pullman gets turned into in the movie "Weird Science" and she seems like a terrible psychiatrist.  Alexia continues to make excucses for Peter, even as she seeks help for him.  It's because fo Frankie's accident, it's because his dad was a drug trafficker.  She wants Nancy to be Peter's psychiatrist, which I think is healthy.  Right?  My grandma, my shrink.

Alexia made up for her lame scenes last episode this week, didn't she?  Not only were we treated to her horrible parenting skillz, we saw her have a meeting of the minds with Lea.  The whole thing was super contrived.  Alexia accused Lea of shit talking Peter, Lea denied it, Alexia wasn't buying it, but said she did.  I couldn't tell you what the status of their "friendship" was after that lunch.

Lisa is desperately trying to convince us that she is soo busy, and we know that it's bullshit.  She is making plans to ambush Lea and try to force her and Adriana to work things out.  I'm sure that will work.  Lisa is still trying to get pregnant with no success.  Every time Lenny brings up them possibly using a surrogate, she freaks out and shuts down.  She also refers to herself as a young girl.  Listen, sweetie, you are 30, it's not an old maid, but you still aren't a young girl, no matter how many procedures you get done.  I know that infertility sucks and it's hard to accept that you won't have a child the natural way, but the bottom line is, if you really want to have a child, you do it.  It's about what kind of a mother you are, not how you have the baby.

Mama Elsa Update:  She coded but the doctors were able to revive her and she was perfectly fine after. It was rough for Marysol, who was convinced that Elsa was going to die.  I really felt for Marysol here, but it was kind of tough to take her seriously with those round Lady GaGa style sunglasses she had on.

It's finally time for Lisa to put her plan into action.  It fails spectacularly, as we all knew it would.  As soon as Alexia, Marysol and Adriana make their appearance Lea excuses herself.  She doesn't go far, just outside to cry and to text Joanna, who along with Lisa, meets the Mayor outside.  Lea has had it with this Adriana nonsense, so to prove that two wrongs make a right, Lea got some evidence from the courthouse and we all know that every Real Housewife loves them some evidence. It turns out that Adriana got her marriage license at the beginning of November 2008, but got it notarized in December. So, for all intents and purposes Adriana was married to Frederic, whether she believed she was or not.  All the while, she was claiming to be single and Lea was setting her up on dates.  Lisa's tiny mind is blown by this, but she needs to verify it.  I can only imagine this entails Lisa staring at her computer for a few hours trying to figure out how Google works.  When she can't, she just takes Lea's word for it.

So, what think you all?  Does it matter that Adriana was legally married?  Can this get any more convulted?  Who's side are you on?  Does Adriana deserve that Oscar?  Let me know in the comments.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Jersey's in the Desert!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 13: "Spaghetti Western & Meatballs"

You can take the Housewives out of Jersey, but you can't take Jersey out of the Housewives and their significant others.  If there is one thing that we have learned from watching these ladies travel, it's that.  There is nothing I love more than watching these people leave their natural habitat and have to deal with something that they are utterly unfamiliar with.  The Housewives go west to a retreat for Melissa's birthday and do a lot of stuff they don't want to do and complain a lot.  It makes me wistful for vacation myself.

Before teh group leaves, there is a lot of rehashing of what has happened so far this season.  At a cooking demonstration, Teresa gives Kathy the lowdown on what went down at the Milania Hair Care product party with Melissa, Penny, and Jan.  Kathy's reaction of "Who's Penny?" was priceless.  I'm right there with ya, sister.  Teresa thinks everything is good, but over at Casa de Gorga Joe is not convinced.  He still thinks that Teresa has her hand in the Penny situation.  Jacqueline is not sure if Teresa is sincere in their reconciliation.  Going to Arizona makes Jacqueline think of how they made up in California last year only to hear Teresa talk shit about her later on.

The Gorgas, Giudices, and Wakiles travel together, while the Laurita's and the Manzo's head out together.  The Laurita's and Manzo's experience some plane delays so they get there five hours after everyone else.  Richie has basically ruined any goodwill that the staff at Miraval has for the cast by ignoring the sanctity of the "Quiet Room" and complaining about pretty much everything.  He also makes a pretty nasty comment about Melissa's camel toe while she is laying out in her bathing suit.  Good times, ogling your cousin-in-law in front of your wife.  You're a class act, Richie.

Melissa is getting sick, so we are treated to her complaining and shouting orders to Joe every five seconds.  It looks like Joe is completely ignoring her and drinking with everyone else, but that could also be an editing trick.  Either way, I like it.  

After dinner, Melissa invites Tina the Energist to do a reading.  Apparently, Tina can see or read energy from other dimensions and use it to talk to the dead John Edwards style.  Everyone is pretty disdainful of the energist, except for Jacqueline, not a huge surprise there.  Eventually, though, she starts to break them down one by one.  Richie is the first as she brings up some vagueness about a wedding video.  It turns out Richie was super close to his dad and that he hadn't watched his wedding video since he passed.  Kathy lost it when she thought Tina the Energist was talking about her dad.  I don't know, you guys.  I'm still not buying it.  I can understand how people would fall for it though.  You want to believe that the people you love are reaching out to you and that way you can finally get some closure.

The next day everyone minus Melissa goes hiking.  Melissa is just not feeling up to it.  She can barely swallow.  Tarzan is very upset.  She is not too sick to tan though, thank God for that.  Apparently the Miraval staff didn't get the memo that people from Jersey don't hike.  There is a lot of bitching and moaning as they hike to their final destination.  That final destination was just as bad as the energist as a faith healer asked them to write things down on a piece of paper and give that to the fire.  Egads.  For once, I'm totally with Al on his decision not to participate.  Jacqueline, again, is one thousand percent on board with this and afterwards she talks to Teresa and the two are seemingly  having a good conversation.  Could the dynamic duo of Jersey be getting back together?  Not so fast.  Teresa makes a comment about karma coming back around and if it doesn't get you, it'll get your children.  Jacqueline wonders if this is a comment about Nicholas' autism.  Here we go.

So, what did you guys think?  Did you buy the energist stuff?  Is Richie the worst?  Is it about to go down with Jacqueline and Teresa?  Let me know in the comments.

The Real Housewives of Miami Recap: A (Not So) Long Time Ago, We Used To Be Friends

The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 2: "Hurricane Adriana"

If there is one thing the Real Housewives franchise has taught us, it's to not be friends with anyone.  It pretty much goes without saying that if you start the series tight with someone at the start of the series, you won't be for very long.  The franchise is littered with the wreckage of broken apart besties like Bethenny and Jill, Nene and Kim, Kyle and Lisa, Jacqueline and Teresa, and now, joining that illustrious role call, Lea and Adriana.  Yes, the former BFF's finally met to hash it out and if you thought that they would hug it out at the end, well, this was obviously the first episode you have watched ever.

Joanna and Romain are still in engagement bliss, having a healthy breakfast in bed and talking about Joanna's unconventional, sexy wedding dress.  It all starts to go south when Joanna brings up Marta being her Maid of Honor.  Apparently, Marta is still holding a grudge about the e-mails that implied Romain's almost infidelity last year.  Crazy.  Joanna pretty much shuts Romain down.  Marta is going to be her Maid of Honor and that's that.  Romain has another trick up his sleeve to ruin Joanna's morning though.  That dreaded word that comes up everytime a Housewife is going to take a walk down the aisle.  The prenup.  Joanna makes the same argument we've heard a million times about how the person proposing the prenup is already planning the divorce.  This always surprises me.  You'd think Joanna would want a prenup, too, especially since Romain has already almost cheated on her.  I mean, he may already have for all we know.  Wouldn't she want her assests protected also?  She discusses this while shoe shopping with Lisa and mentor, Lea.  Of course, Lea doesn't have a prenup, but she is not against them.  Lisa, of course, has a prenup, because, I mean, do I have to explain why?

Alexia did basically nothing this episode.  She went for a run with Marysol, which was more about Marysol and her worry for Mama Elsa.  It really was sweet and tugged at the old heartstrings.  Why isn't Marysol a full-time Housewife again?  Then we were treated (?) to Alexia remodeling her closet. A scene that seemed to go on forever.  The next we saw of Alexia she was a member of Adriana's peanut gallery while wedding dress shopping.  Here's hoping Alexia has some more compelling things to do going forward.

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.  I know that you are trying to come off as the "Mother Hen" of the group, but you are actually coming off as the ditzy socialite who has nothing better to do with her life, but set up a sexy photoshoot for your maid for no apparent reason.  Seriously.  I kept waiting for Lisa to say this was for an online dating site that Daysy, said maid, was going on, but nope.  It seems like Lisa was just trying to kill time, so she was having Daysy amuse her while she still could.  It seems that Daysy has her own housekeeping service and now has enough maids working under her that she can leave Lisa.  It's possible that Lisa maybe does need to get a job, or design something or write a book or do one of the other things that Real Housewives do to make money.  She could even start a group of socialites against preservationists who are trying to stop the demolishing of a supposed historical house on Star Island.  It turns out that preservationists believed that the house that Lisa and Lenny bought on Star Island was the mansion from the movie Scarface.  Lisa could start her own high heeled demolition company, I mean, she really swung that sledgehammer.

Lea and Adriana continued the march to their inevitable confrontation.  The two women went about the first half of the episode doing inane things.  Adriana met with her wedding planner.  She wasn't asking for much, just a wedding in six months, where she maybe made her entrance in a hot air balloon and wanted everything to be like a dream and angels and where her bridesmaids wore white and she didn't. She wasn't asking too much.  

Lea was working on her novel.  A beach-read/tell-all about fictionalized Miami socialites that was set to feature a masturbation scene and words like throbbing, God help us all.

It finally goes down and I have to say, I'm pretty much on Lea's side.  She is very calm and collected throughout the whole thing and I think we actually see genuine emotion.  Adriana, on the other hand, turns on the acting and freaks out.  She tries to give the whole "we weren't married in a church so it doesn't count" and Lea isn't buying it and frankly neither am I.  I don't think Lea is a bad person for being angry.  Frederic has money.  So, since they were married, he should have been the one helping out Adriana, not Lea, so I kind of see where she is coming from.  Adriana knows from every telenovela she has ever seen that when the tide is turning against  you, it's time to storm out.  So, she yells the word Draconian twice and storms out into the rain with no umbrella.  See, I'm wet and shivering, feel bad for me.

So, what did you guys think of this episode?  Were you Team Lea or Team Adriana?  Are you going to go have a sexy photoshoot with your maid?  Hit me up in the comments and let me know.

Divas of the Fall: Part V

Lady GaGa and Katy Perry continued the march to the release of their fall albums by performing at the VMA's this past Sunday.  GaGa opened the show and Katy closed the show from under the Brooklyn Bridge.

GaGa opened the show with her face in the middle of a white square cutout.  As the camera panned away you heard canned boos and Mother Monster was revealed to be wearing a white, modified nuns habit.  GaGa launced into her new single.  The performance was full of costume changes as the Lady Germanotta went through different phases of her career from her "Poker Face" video to her "Telephone" wig, ending in the clamshell, Boticelli bikini she sports in the "Applause" video.  The performance was a bit more lowkey for GaGa, but I think it worked.  I think keeping it simple and relatively low concept served to better highlight the song and the intricate choreography.  GaGa definitely got things started on a high note.

The whole show MTV was making a big deal about how Katy Perry was heading to the Brooklyn Bridge for her show ending and show stopping performance.  For the first live performance of her biggest selling single so far, Katy emerged in boxing gear in the middle of a gold boxing ring.  The boxing setup worked really well considering the songs lyrics, talking about the "eye of the tiger, the fighter."  There was some pretty cool jump rope choreography right before the bridge.  All in all, both divas helped to make this year's VMA's the best yet.

So, what did you guys think?  Did you like one performance better than the other, or did you think that both were the bees knees?  Let me know in the comments.

Miley Cyrus Needs to Stop

I'm not sure if you know this, but Miley Cyrus performed at the VMA's on Sunday.  It was kind of a big deal and got a big reaction from people.  I mean, I'm not sure why.  It was pretty tame, right?  I've never really watched Hannah Montana before, but I assume that this is pretty typical of every episode.  I'm kidding obviously.  With her tongue and ass hanging out, Miley bid adieu to Hannah Montana and said hello to adulthood.

A lot of people have had a lot to say about Miley and her performance.  We have gotten a lot of what you expect.  She's a whore, she's a slut, she needs to put some clothes on, she needs to find Jesus.  I even read a commentary where someone called her a harlot.  I can't remember the last time I heard the word harlot, maybe the last time I read the Bible?  There were some other things that people pulled out that I was more surprised about.  One of Miley's most outspoken critics was co-host of MSNBC's Morning Joe, Mika Brzezinski, who went on a ridiculous tirade that seemed to go on forever.  Here is just a taste of what Mika had to say.  "I wouldn't make a joke of it, actually.  That was really, really disturbing.  That young lady, who is 20, is obviously deeply troubled, deeply disturbed, clearly has confidence issues, probably an eating disorder, and I don't think anybody should have put her onstage.  That was disgusting and embarrassing."  Whoa, there.  A lot to take in.  Slut shaming disguised as worry.  Some guessing about her mental state and that she maybe has an eating disorder.  Whoa.

Now, was I a big fan of Miley's performance?  Oh no.  I didn't take issue with a lot of the things that people were griping about.  I don't care what Miley had on.  She's an adult, she can wear what she wants to.  If she wants to grind on someone almost twice her age, that's fine, too.  No one was holding a gun to her head.  If she wants to attempt to twerk with her tongue hanging out, cool.  My problem was that the performance itself sucked.  There was no signs of talent on that stage anywhere, starting with the vocal.  Miley was not on pitch at anytime during that performance.  To be fair, "We Can't Stop" isn't a song that really takes a lot of vocal ability.  It became more clear during her thin, warbled verse during "Blurred Lines" that maybe the Lady Cyrus should hook up with a vocal coach, stat.

Then there was the air of desperation that seemed to permeate the entire thing.  From the moment Miley came on stage in the teddy bear onesie until the time she stripped into the latex halter and hot pants to mime fingering herself with the foam finger, it was all 1-800-TOOMUCH.  We get it, Miley.  You got a Gwen Stefani hairdo and are singing about drugs.  You're edgy.  You're not Hannah Montana anymore.  The whole thing was akin to a teenager dating someone older just to show their parents how grown up they were.  Also, no matter what Miley says, none of it seems authentic.  She wants us to believe that this is who she really is, but I'm not buying what she's selling.  If you head to dictionary.com and look up "trying too hard" there will be a video of this performance.

So, I'm embedding the video of the performance below if you have yet to watch.  Let me know what you thought.  Mountain out of a molehill?  Should we leave Miley alone?  Are you counting down the days until "Bangerz" drops?  Sound off in the comments.

Justin Timberlake Won The VMA's

Prior to the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards, all the talk was focused on the female performances.  Which of the dueling pop divas would "win" the night, opener GaGa or closer Katy Perry?  How crazy and out of control would Miley Cyrus be?  A few days before the big show, talk turned to this years recepient of the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard award, Justin Timberlake.  Little birds began tweeting that during his performance we may be seeing an NSYNC reunion.

The night of the show, there was NSYNC, but there was soo much more.  Introduced by Jimmy Fallon as the President of Pop, JT lived up to his title.  The performance started with a pre-taped rendition of JT's newest single, "Take Back the Night," then segued to the main stage where JT performed a breathless medley of all his biggest hits.  This was the first time that the audience showed any signs of life.  Once the familiar strains of "Cry Me a River" started everyone in Brooklyn was on their feet.

Some people complained that the NSYNC reunion didn't last long enough, but I was content.  This was giving the highlights.  He paid them an homage and then moved on.  He also acknowledged them in his speech and I thought that was very nice.  Not only did he receive, as he called it, the old person's award, he also took home the nights top honor Video of the Year.  Not too shabby for an old guy.

Check out JT's full VMA performance and hit me up in the comments and tell me what you thought.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Fabellini's For My Real Friends, Milania Haircare Products For My Fake Friends

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 12: "Hair-Binger of Doom"

The fragile peace that was established between the Gorgas and the Giudices by Dr. V when they were all at their retreat is starting to fracture.  We all knew this would happen, though.  We all knew it was just a matter of time before things went back to the way they were.  We all knew that it would have something to do with the infidelity rumors that have been plaguing Melissa recently and are being spread by her supposed friend Jan and that Teresa is, possibly, complicit in.  It all went down at, shocker, a party for Teresa's new business venture.  Will this end the recent reconciliation?  Let's break down what went down in this episode.

Things were all good when the episode began.  Teresa and Melissa were comparing notes and sort of trying to one up each other.  Melissa showed Teresa the mock up for her book cover, while Teresa talked about her new line of hair care products named after Milania.  Melissa has more than just her book cover to discuss with Teresa, she also has a magazine cover.  It turns out that people have been telling their tales of Melissa cheating to InTouch.  Melissa is livid, but Teresa urges her to ignore it.  At first.

Young women watching RHONJ are learning a valuable lesson.  If someone you are dating uses the words "old fashioned" or "traditional" when it comes to marriage, run far and run fast.  Kathy and Caroline are learning that lesson the hard way, as their reality TV stardom gives them oppurtunities that they didn't have before and it seems to be bringing out some resentment in their husbands.  I'm really loving the friendship that is blossoming between Caroline and Kathy.  It seems natural and they seem to bring out the best in each other.  Kathy even takes Caroline's advice.  She finally stands up to Rich and tells him that she isn't feeling the test kitchen.  He hems and haws, but it seems like he understands what she's saying.  I loved Kathy in her confessional finally telling any young women watching that a "traditional" marriage is not all it's cracked up to be.

Caroline should take her own advice since Al is still being a giant dick and doesn't show any signs of stopping.  I'm not sure why Al is being so dick-ish, or why Caroline keeps defending him using antiquated reasoning.  She sounds a little like Teresa defending Joe quite frankly.  If there was one good thing that came of Al's continued descent into asshole-dom, it made Lauren realize that maybe she shouldn't be in such a rush to marry Vito (Hey, big guy!  Nice to see you!).

It was time for the party to launch Teresa's hair care line, sure, named after favorite daughter, Milania.  Teresa had warned Melissa that backstabbing Jan would be there since Jan owned a salon.  Does anyone else think that it's time Teresa cut ties with Kim D.?  I mean, all she does is cause problems and I don't think she can ever truly mend fences with the Gorgas unless she just bites the bullet and cuts the extension wearing cancer right out of her life.  Also, doesn't she know that Kim D. is a witch who steals the souls of children in an attempt to stay young?  Run, Milania!  Run for  your life!

At the party, Teresa urges Melissa to confront Jan.  At first the budding author refuses, but then thinks what the hell and tears into Jan.  Not much is resolved, Jan continues to make accusations and Melissa denies them until Jan finally sashays away like some overly made up Disney villain come to life.  We are then left with Penny, who apparently was at the dinner where everyone was shit talking Melissa.  I don't remember her, but apparently, even though she doesn't know Melissa tabloids are still calling her and asking her about Melissa.  The whole time this is happening Teresa is right there in the thick of it.  At the start of the confrontation, it looks good for Teresa.  She encourages Melissa to confront Jan, but once Penny enters into it, Tre begins to look guiltier and guiltier.  It's obvious Penny is protecting someone, since she is acting so shifty.  It's like Teresa stays because she doesn't want Penny to spill the beans that she is the one that is feeding Penny information to feed to the tabloids.

So what did you guys think of this episode?  What was your favorite Milania moment?  Mine was definitely the bra.  Should Caroline take her own advice?  Do you think Teresa is guilty?  Can we all agree that Kim D is horrible?  How do you think this trip to Arizona is going to go?  Hit me up in the comments.