The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 2: "Hurricane Adriana"
If there is one thing the Real Housewives franchise has taught us, it's to not be friends with anyone. It pretty much goes without saying that if you start the series tight with someone at the start of the series, you won't be for very long. The franchise is littered with the wreckage of broken apart besties like Bethenny and Jill, Nene and Kim, Kyle and Lisa, Jacqueline and Teresa, and now, joining that illustrious role call, Lea and Adriana. Yes, the former BFF's finally met to hash it out and if you thought that they would hug it out at the end, well, this was obviously the first episode you have watched ever.
Joanna and Romain are still in engagement bliss, having a healthy breakfast in bed and talking about Joanna's unconventional, sexy wedding dress. It all starts to go south when Joanna brings up Marta being her Maid of Honor. Apparently, Marta is still holding a grudge about the e-mails that implied Romain's almost infidelity last year. Crazy. Joanna pretty much shuts Romain down. Marta is going to be her Maid of Honor and that's that. Romain has another trick up his sleeve to ruin Joanna's morning though. That dreaded word that comes up everytime a Housewife is going to take a walk down the aisle. The prenup. Joanna makes the same argument we've heard a million times about how the person proposing the prenup is already planning the divorce. This always surprises me. You'd think Joanna would want a prenup, too, especially since Romain has already almost cheated on her. I mean, he may already have for all we know. Wouldn't she want her assests protected also? She discusses this while shoe shopping with Lisa and mentor, Lea. Of course, Lea doesn't have a prenup, but she is not against them. Lisa, of course, has a prenup, because, I mean, do I have to explain why?
Alexia did basically nothing this episode. She went for a run with Marysol, which was more about Marysol and her worry for Mama Elsa. It really was sweet and tugged at the old heartstrings. Why isn't Marysol a full-time Housewife again? Then we were treated (?) to Alexia remodeling her closet. A scene that seemed to go on forever. The next we saw of Alexia she was a member of Adriana's peanut gallery while wedding dress shopping. Here's hoping Alexia has some more compelling things to do going forward.
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. I know that you are trying to come off as the "Mother Hen" of the group, but you are actually coming off as the ditzy socialite who has nothing better to do with her life, but set up a sexy photoshoot for your maid for no apparent reason. Seriously. I kept waiting for Lisa to say this was for an online dating site that Daysy, said maid, was going on, but nope. It seems like Lisa was just trying to kill time, so she was having Daysy amuse her while she still could. It seems that Daysy has her own housekeeping service and now has enough maids working under her that she can leave Lisa. It's possible that Lisa maybe does need to get a job, or design something or write a book or do one of the other things that Real Housewives do to make money. She could even start a group of socialites against preservationists who are trying to stop the demolishing of a supposed historical house on Star Island. It turns out that preservationists believed that the house that Lisa and Lenny bought on Star Island was the mansion from the movie Scarface. Lisa could start her own high heeled demolition company, I mean, she really swung that sledgehammer.
Lea and Adriana continued the march to their inevitable confrontation. The two women went about the first half of the episode doing inane things. Adriana met with her wedding planner. She wasn't asking for much, just a wedding in six months, where she maybe made her entrance in a hot air balloon and wanted everything to be like a dream and angels and where her bridesmaids wore white and she didn't. She wasn't asking too much.
Lea was working on her novel. A beach-read/tell-all about fictionalized Miami socialites that was set to feature a masturbation scene and words like throbbing, God help us all.
It finally goes down and I have to say, I'm pretty much on Lea's side. She is very calm and collected throughout the whole thing and I think we actually see genuine emotion. Adriana, on the other hand, turns on the acting and freaks out. She tries to give the whole "we weren't married in a church so it doesn't count" and Lea isn't buying it and frankly neither am I. I don't think Lea is a bad person for being angry. Frederic has money. So, since they were married, he should have been the one helping out Adriana, not Lea, so I kind of see where she is coming from. Adriana knows from every telenovela she has ever seen that when the tide is turning against you, it's time to storm out. So, she yells the word Draconian twice and storms out into the rain with no umbrella. See, I'm wet and shivering, feel bad for me.
So, what did you guys think of this episode? Were you Team Lea or Team Adriana? Are you going to go have a sexy photoshoot with your maid? Hit me up in the comments and let me know.
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