The Real Housewives of Miami, Episode 7: "La La Land"
Hmm... Andy Cohen loves the telenovela style of the Miami Housewives, but it is the lowest rated of the franchise. It turns out that Lea and Joanna both have homes in Los Angeles and live there half the year. Could this have been their audition for the Beverly Hills version of the franchise should theirs go belly up? There were parts of it that wouldn't have seemed out of place if you had substitued Lisa, Lea, and Joanna for Kyle, Lisa, and Brandi with the jewelery shopping and the hunt for a Birkin bag. So, what all went down? Hit the jump for more.
Adriana continued with her wedding planning. While touring the Biltmore, her venue, Adriana gives her wedding planners the lowdown on what she envisions. She wants everyone to wear white, which is weird. Then, between the ceremony and the reception, she wants everyone to change into 1920's, Great Gatsby inspired attire. Alex stepped up as most reasonable person on the show when he asked his mother if she wanted people to change in their car. Adriana doesn't want to think about these realistic concerns so she tells Alex that people can change in her suite, problem solved. Not really, though. Going to a wedding should not be this much work. I hate going to weddings anyway. If I got an invite that was trying to force me to change clothes, it would just be the reason that I was already looking for to RSVP in the negative.
Alexia is still having major issues with Peter. One thing that I really respect about Alexia is that she acknowledges that some of Peter's behavioral issues are her fault. She freely admits that when Frankie was in the hospital she focused on him and just bought Peter what he wanted to make up for the fact that she didn't have the time to spend with him. She's reaping what she's sown, but she is desperate to help Peter. She gets him a job at Venue helping with a photo shoot. Of course he fucks it up. At the shoot, a taxi driver ruins a shot and "flicks" everyone off. Apparently "flick" is Cuban for giving someone the finger. This enrages Peter and he runs after the cab and either kicks it or hits the back of it. The cabbie pulls over and calls the cops. It becomes this whole big issue. Peter acts like a jackass. Alexia admonishes him before the cops come, but once the po po show up, she defends her son. Her calm demeanor and the fact that she is attractive help her move the police to move along without Peter getting into trouble.
Alexia is at her wit's end with Peter, so she turns to her mother, Nancy, the world's worst psychiatrist. Nancy, of course, blames Alexia for everything because she is his mother, a woman and inferior all around. Alexia was a bad mother for trying to keep her jailbird husband away from her impressionable young sons. Peter is a moron who thinks he's a pimp and that it's cool that he's in jail. Alexia does apologize for bad mouthing their dad to the kids, which is a nice gesture. If you're a child of divorce you are probably used to this. I think these are simplistic explanations for Peter's jackassery, but of course Nancy goes with it. During this whole thing, Alexia says that her family made her keep her ex out of her kids lives. So, it's your fault, Nancy! Seriously, Alexia. Hire a real psychiatrist. You can afford it.
Lea, Lisa and Joanna headed to L.A. to help Joanna with her wedding stuff. We got to see both of Joanna and Lea's L.A. homes. Joanna's is basically an animal refuge where people feed abandoned kittens from bottles. Her mother lives there full time and looked pretty harried, but I guess you would too, if you had to fight feral dogs for your food.
We were also treated to some inappropriate interactions between Joanna and her mother. Joanna asked her mom about her sexual escapades and inferred that she liked to finger herself. Lisa loved this! What a normal, healthy mother/daughter relationship!
Lisa needs another Birkin Bag! This is her storyline now, guys. Forget babies and being a bridesmaid. She wants the Queen of Birkins, Lea Black, to show her the way. I didn't even realize people were still gaga for Birkins. I'm also appalled that someone would spend over a million dollars on purses?! Seriously. This is what is wrong with our country. Of course, Lea met a gay guy who collects Birkins and brings him over for a Birkin show. This whole thing was just disgusting.
There was some drama when Joanna confronted Lisa about being a bridesmaid for Joanna and how that impacted her decision not to ask Lisa to be in her wedding. I never though I would say this, but I'm Team Lisa on this one. First off, no one can tell you who you can or can't be friends with. I've floundered on this, but watching Lisa interact with both factions, I don't think she is playing both sides. This whole feud is ridiculous. When it comes to the assault, both women are at fault. Joanna won't budge. Then, she takes Lisa and Lea to have dinner with her L.A. bridesmaids. Salt meet wound. Of course, Lea tries to stir the pot, but when Lisa tries to point out Joanna's hypocrisy, she's friends with Lea even though she still hangs with Joe Francis, Lea shut that down. Shocker. Joanna's mom to the rescue. She seemingly makes the executive decision to make Lisa a bridesmaid and admonish her daughter for her mean girl attitude, but Joanna seems unmoved.
So, what did you guys think? Team Lisa or Team Joanna? Is Lisa playing both sides? Would you go to a wedding where you had to make a costume change? Do you find this Birkin thing as ridiculous and reprehensible as I do? Make your voices heard in the comments.
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