The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 4: "Gym Rats"
Who knew the gym could be so exciting? Maybe I should start attending. Just kidding, let's not get crazy. If I was in a seemingly unending feud with my crazy eyed sister and there was a chance we might have have a shouting match, then maybe. It's a soft maybe, but a maybe nevertheless. Or, if my gym was a hot bed of feuding family members throwing water at each other, I would probably be at the gym. With popcorn, which is probably counterproductive, but who cares?
So, Teresa is in full pancake makeup, glitter in her hair and she is "working out." Someone from production has misted her face with a water bottle to make it look as if she is sweating, or maybe it's just excess self tanner. Who can say? She spots Joe and looks almost relieved that she has an excuse to stop pretending to work out. So, after going over and over whether she should or shouldn't go over and say hello with her personal trainer, who may be a mute, she finally decides it would be rude not to say hello. She wobbles over and offers her a brother a spot. Joe asks her if she is going to drop the bar on him. Teresa cackles like it's a joke, even though there is no humor in her brother's eyes, just animosity and a lot of hurt. It doesn't take long for the estranged siblings to fall back into old patterns. They quickly drudge up the same arguments that have been driving their relationship for over two years. They start off with how long it took Melissa to visit their father in the hospital, then Joe throws the Teresa is obsessed with Melissa barb, Teresa volleys back with a brand new accusation. A tweet that Melissa sent out about how she is getting attacked for renting Chanel bags while Teresa is filing for bankruptcy. Joe fires back with the "two wrongs make a right defense" talking about how Teresa is constantly "twittering" horrible things about Melissa. Seriously. It's tweet. It's not that hard. I digress. Joe keeps at it, belittling Teresa for shit talking Melissa in front of her kids, but what has Teresa said to the kids? That Melissa lip syncs? Everyone knows Melissa lip syncs, even Gia. Joe isn't having any of it. Melissa can't sing, huh? Well, everyone knows you can't cook. Their parents cook, Teresa doesn't cook. Teresa is getting so hot that her tan is getting deeper as we watch. Joey G. doesn't stop there. He doesn't call his wife a cunt. Teresa immediately denies Juicy Joe has ever called her that... to her face. Even though he definitely called her that last season. On the phone. To one of his employees. Right. Teresa tries to justify her horrible husband's abhorrent behavior by trying to get Joey G. to admit to having called Melissa names. Of course Joey G. would NEVER EVER say anything bad about Melissa, because she is gorgeous and a wonderful mother and a sexy wife and a saint! It seems like the straw that breaks Teresa's back is when Joe insinuates that if Juicy Joe is calling his wife a cunt all willy nilly then he wonders what he says about their children. Teresa has had it. She dumps her remaining water out of her bottle onto her brother, hollers some insults at him and leaves in a huff. No one comes out of this altercation a winner or looking good, but both parties are sure that everyone is siding with them.
This ridiculousness with the Gorgas and the Giudices permeated the entire episode. The episode began by going back and forth as Melissa and Teresa and their respective Joes disucss Teresa and Melissa's latest confrontation at Gia's birthday party. How many days did Melissa wait to go to the hospital? One day? Four days? Does it matter as long as she went? Why is this a major issue? Why is Melissa lying about it? Why is Teresa holding on to it?
The drama carried over to the double party that Kathy was throwing for Richie and Victoria who were turning 19 and 49 respectively. Why was she throwing such a lavish bash for two pretty inconsequential birthdays? Well they are the birthdays before two major birthdays. That explains it not at all. Also, what 19 year old wants to have a joint birthday party with their dad? Caroline gave Kathy, Jacqueline and Melissa the low down on her meeting with Teresa. She basically broke it down that at this time Teresa wants nothing to do with Kathy because of Kathy's comments about her father at last year's reunion. This really sets Ro Ro off. To be fair, lots of shit sits Ro Ro off. I mean, the bar being out of Scotch would have caused Mt. Saint Rosie to erupt. Rosie can't believe that Teresa wants nothing to do with her sister. How dare she? You know what, they want nothing to do Teresa. So fuck you up the ass, Teresa! A mortified Victoria comes over to ask them to please keep the ass fucking talk to a minimum, thankyouverymuch. Birthday parties with your parents and your 40 year old family members aren't looking so good now, are they, Vicki?
The rest of the episode dealt with Jacqueline having a personal trainer come to her house, so she wouldn't have to show off her "fat ass" (Jacqueline's words) at the gym. This was basically Jacqueline telling her personal trainer over and over again how over Teresa she was and look how well adjusted I am, while the personal trainer begged her to do maybe one crunch or half a push up.
Also, the Manzo brothers opened a restaurant. Albert offered unhelpful suggestions and Caroline showed the chef how to make her famous meatballs. Many a ball joke ensued. Man, the Manzos are a breath of functional air on this show. Seriously. If they were as fucked up as the Gorgas/Giudices, I'm not sure I could make it through each episode.
So, what did you guys think? Were there any winners in Teresa and Joe's gym shout fest? Did you want to party with your parents when you were 19? Are the Manzos maybe too lovable? Hit me up in the comments.
So, Teresa is in full pancake makeup, glitter in her hair and she is "working out." Someone from production has misted her face with a water bottle to make it look as if she is sweating, or maybe it's just excess self tanner. Who can say? She spots Joe and looks almost relieved that she has an excuse to stop pretending to work out. So, after going over and over whether she should or shouldn't go over and say hello with her personal trainer, who may be a mute, she finally decides it would be rude not to say hello. She wobbles over and offers her a brother a spot. Joe asks her if she is going to drop the bar on him. Teresa cackles like it's a joke, even though there is no humor in her brother's eyes, just animosity and a lot of hurt. It doesn't take long for the estranged siblings to fall back into old patterns. They quickly drudge up the same arguments that have been driving their relationship for over two years. They start off with how long it took Melissa to visit their father in the hospital, then Joe throws the Teresa is obsessed with Melissa barb, Teresa volleys back with a brand new accusation. A tweet that Melissa sent out about how she is getting attacked for renting Chanel bags while Teresa is filing for bankruptcy. Joe fires back with the "two wrongs make a right defense" talking about how Teresa is constantly "twittering" horrible things about Melissa. Seriously. It's tweet. It's not that hard. I digress. Joe keeps at it, belittling Teresa for shit talking Melissa in front of her kids, but what has Teresa said to the kids? That Melissa lip syncs? Everyone knows Melissa lip syncs, even Gia. Joe isn't having any of it. Melissa can't sing, huh? Well, everyone knows you can't cook. Their parents cook, Teresa doesn't cook. Teresa is getting so hot that her tan is getting deeper as we watch. Joey G. doesn't stop there. He doesn't call his wife a cunt. Teresa immediately denies Juicy Joe has ever called her that... to her face. Even though he definitely called her that last season. On the phone. To one of his employees. Right. Teresa tries to justify her horrible husband's abhorrent behavior by trying to get Joey G. to admit to having called Melissa names. Of course Joey G. would NEVER EVER say anything bad about Melissa, because she is gorgeous and a wonderful mother and a sexy wife and a saint! It seems like the straw that breaks Teresa's back is when Joe insinuates that if Juicy Joe is calling his wife a cunt all willy nilly then he wonders what he says about their children. Teresa has had it. She dumps her remaining water out of her bottle onto her brother, hollers some insults at him and leaves in a huff. No one comes out of this altercation a winner or looking good, but both parties are sure that everyone is siding with them.
This ridiculousness with the Gorgas and the Giudices permeated the entire episode. The episode began by going back and forth as Melissa and Teresa and their respective Joes disucss Teresa and Melissa's latest confrontation at Gia's birthday party. How many days did Melissa wait to go to the hospital? One day? Four days? Does it matter as long as she went? Why is this a major issue? Why is Melissa lying about it? Why is Teresa holding on to it?
The drama carried over to the double party that Kathy was throwing for Richie and Victoria who were turning 19 and 49 respectively. Why was she throwing such a lavish bash for two pretty inconsequential birthdays? Well they are the birthdays before two major birthdays. That explains it not at all. Also, what 19 year old wants to have a joint birthday party with their dad? Caroline gave Kathy, Jacqueline and Melissa the low down on her meeting with Teresa. She basically broke it down that at this time Teresa wants nothing to do with Kathy because of Kathy's comments about her father at last year's reunion. This really sets Ro Ro off. To be fair, lots of shit sits Ro Ro off. I mean, the bar being out of Scotch would have caused Mt. Saint Rosie to erupt. Rosie can't believe that Teresa wants nothing to do with her sister. How dare she? You know what, they want nothing to do Teresa. So fuck you up the ass, Teresa! A mortified Victoria comes over to ask them to please keep the ass fucking talk to a minimum, thankyouverymuch. Birthday parties with your parents and your 40 year old family members aren't looking so good now, are they, Vicki?
The rest of the episode dealt with Jacqueline having a personal trainer come to her house, so she wouldn't have to show off her "fat ass" (Jacqueline's words) at the gym. This was basically Jacqueline telling her personal trainer over and over again how over Teresa she was and look how well adjusted I am, while the personal trainer begged her to do maybe one crunch or half a push up.
Also, the Manzo brothers opened a restaurant. Albert offered unhelpful suggestions and Caroline showed the chef how to make her famous meatballs. Many a ball joke ensued. Man, the Manzos are a breath of functional air on this show. Seriously. If they were as fucked up as the Gorgas/Giudices, I'm not sure I could make it through each episode.
So, what did you guys think? Were there any winners in Teresa and Joe's gym shout fest? Did you want to party with your parents when you were 19? Are the Manzos maybe too lovable? Hit me up in the comments.
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