The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 3: "Model Behavior"
I have never felt more for a Real Housewife than I did for Kristen during that stupid mud run thing. I am definitely not the kind of person who would ever do that unless I had lots of help from my friends and to watch Kristen be left in the dust by her husband and Heather sucked. I would be really pissed and then to have them both totally shut her down just made me really angry. I would have flipped my shit. They coerced Kristen into doing this under false pretenses and then totally abandoned her. What fucktards. I was not happy. I am on your side, Kristen! You should have pushed them down into the mud and scraped their faces with the barbed wire. Ugh. Ok, now that that is out of my system we can take a look at the rest of the episode.
The BookGate fight is still going on and it is just getting worse and worse. Carole is getting very heated and the more heated Carole gets the more ridiculous Aviva gets. You know, there is one thing that Aviva may be right about. Maybe it is time to bring back the phrase "word on the street." If we all started using the phrase "word on the street" more, then we could all pretend like we are living our lives in a 1920's crime noir novel. How fun would that be? I digress.
The fight continues with Carole following Aviva down the stairs. Carole is not letting up. She calls Aviva a bitch and a psychopath. All that Aviva can say is "At least I'm not 50?" Um… ok. And you're not? Could've fooled me. And that weird image consultant is there almost every step of the way. Who is this bitch? Why does Aviva have an image consultant? Will we find out? When Carole reached out to grab Aviva's face, I was kind of hoping that she would push the IC down the stairs. Carole makes her exit, but not before she throws some shade at Harry and Reid. You have to admit it takes balls to go to the person who you just had a blow out with and say that she's not very nice and to tell her ex-husband that she understands the divorce.
This episode really hammered home the point that Carole is an experienced writer through the scene with her editor. Carole doesn't need this. Anyone with half a brain knows that Aviva is full of it and no one thinks that she didn't really write her book. This sort of smacked like a scene that Carole asked for and I get it, but I just don't think it's necessary.
We also enjoyed another episode of our favorite sitcom, "Sonja is Sad." We saw the Lady Morgan interviewing another intern and we learned that "Team Sad" is 35 people!? What the fuck? What are they doing? We also learned that the reason Sonja's life may be as sad as it is is because she entrusts Tyler, who is gay and maybe 23, to run her household. It's no wonder everything is falling to shit around her. The whole sequence just made me shake my head. What schools are sending these young, impressionable kids to Sonja? And why would they care if you were a MILF? Wouldn't that be a detractor? Someone needs to talk to these colleges.
Aviva headed to the park to shoot the cover for her book. Aviva keeps telling anyone who will listen that "It takes a village to write a book," but the thing is, normally, it just takes a person. She is trying to take the tact that Carole is dissing her publisher, editor, etc, but that's not the case. It takes a team to distribute a book, but it normally takes one person to do the actually writing. Sorry, Aviva. No one's buying what you're selling. Kristen shows up and basically declares that she is on Team Carole. I loved when she declared Aviva jealous and you could just see Aviva clenching her jaw as hard as she could. Aviva needs people on her side. So, she decides to change the subject by pulling a page from her "Housewives of Other Franchises" playbook and brings up how cute the turtles are! Aviva loves tuuurrrrtttllleeeessss! Sorry, Aviva. I buy it when Kim Richards loopily declares her love for amphibians, but when you do it, I just assume you are going to eat them after you torture them.
Ramona is going through something all Housewives with children of a certain age go through. Upcoming empty nest syndrome. Avery is getting ready to graduate and go to college and Ramona is clutching the Pinot a little tighter. Avery and her friends are getting ready to go out to prom and she is slightly less annoying than she's been in the past. Maybe? Heather also shows up at Ramona's to rail against Aviva and support Carole. I love Heather. It's like she doesn't realize that she is a rich, privileged white lady. She is always ready to throw down. Ramona also dropped some knowledge on us about the animal kingdom. She regales us with tales of monkey blue balls and giant elephant cocks. Ramona should write a children's book or a travel guide to Africa for people into bestiality.
Ramona is also feeling slightly guilty. She thinks that she maybe had a small hand in the BookGate controversy by giving Carole the 4-1-1 about what Aviva had been saying. So, Ramona heads to the baby shower that Carole is having for her girlfriend hat in hand. Carole does give Singer a bit of a dressing down, letting her know that no matter what the reason, she was stirring the pot. Ramona takes this really well, which kind of surprised me.
One thing that did bother me was Ramona acting like Carole was so sad and pathetic because she had a career and not children. It's ridiculous to think that Carole isn't fulfilled. It was definitely sweet and poignant to see Carole interacting with Heather's daughter, Ella, and that sort of wistful, what if moment. And if Carole's husband had lived, maybe things would have been different, but I think Carole made a concious choice after he died and she doesn't regret it. No one should feel sorry for Carole, because she doesn't feel sorry for herself.
So, what did you guys think? Still Team Carole? Did you feel bad for Kristen or am I being ridiculous? Let me know in the comments.
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