The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 1: "Hawaii Five Uh Oh"
The First Ladies of Bravo have returned with the ninth(!) season premiere. Holy crap. Who would've thought that this show would have lasted nine years, over 100 episodes, countless women and six spin off cities and it shows no signs of stopping. The cast has gone through a bit of a shake up. That's how things stay fresh. Bye Alexis, Gretchen and Lydia. You'll go where other faded reality TV stars go, to couples counseling shows on VH1. I think we can all agree that we'll see Gretchen and Slade on one at some point. When old Housewives are put out to pasture leave for greener pastures, new Housewives step into fill that void and this season is no different. Two new ladies will join Heather, Vicki, and Tamra in the form of Shannon Beador and Lizzie Rovsek. We only met Shannon tonight, and she is... something. Let's take a peek behind the orange curtain and check in with the busty blondes (and brunettes) of the OC.
Shannon
Why not start off with the newest lady, Shannon Beador. Give her a warm welcome, everyone. Just make sure you keep all cell phones away from her. They radiate your brain don't you know. Oh Shannon. You're... kooky. That's nice, right? We are introduced to Shannon through Heather. It turns out that Heather's architect designed Shannon's house and wants to show her so she has an idea of what to expect... or something. It's not a terrible way to introduce a new Housewife and pretend there is some sort of connection to the other women. I've seen flimsier. As soon as Heather hears about Shannon's obsession to be green, you can just feel Heather holding back the urge to roll her eyes and knowing Heather it must be a Herculean effort. Not to mention the fact that Shannon gave her twin daughters a DNA test after her baby nurse said she had never seen a set of twins that didn't want to be together. Oy vey. Heather deserves all the Champs for keeping her mouth shut after all of that. There is a lot of set up for what we will see Shannon tackle this season. It's pretty clear that Shannon and her husband, David, have hit a rough patch after thirteen years, since Shannon spends most of her interview time wondering why her husband doesn't want to spend any time alone with her. She also seems to enjoy a drink.
Tamra
Tamra and Eddie are still going strong and running their gym, CUT Fitness. Eddie is using his body to convince Orange County women to give up their wine so they can do some weird program. I don't get it. I don't understand extreme exercising and why people do it. Or you know, exercising in general. Whatever the case, Tamra and Eddie seem to be very happy, even though Tamra seems to have a case of the jealousies. I don't know why, but she needs to stop doing whatever she's been doing to her eye area. She looks weird. I don't like it. Even though Tamra's face has changed... drastically, you can still count on her to not mince words. I love how uncouth Tamra is. Is getting older awesome? Not according to Tamra, it sucks "sweaty balls." Never change, Tamra. And just because Gretchen is gone, she is definitely not forgotten. On a hike with Heather, the ladies bring up their former cast mate. Apparently, Gretchen and Slade came to Dr. Terry's office for a ... facial? OK, Heather. You're being discreet. I appreciate you. Tamra is still smarting from her lack of a wedding gift. Of course, Heather attempts tact and reminds her that she has a year, but Tamra is less than convinced. But she may have lucked out. I think Tamra has all the Gretchen Christine products she can handle.
Heather
Heather and Terry are ready to start construction on their new home and it is going to be bigger and better than the last. A secret room! An infinity pool! A salon! But sorry Terry, no extra closets or space for you. This may seem extravagant and it is, but come on, they sold their other house for $16, 450,000, so it's not like they can't afford it. They are making due in a small for them rental, that maybe used to belong to a music star of some kind, based on the guitars and records on the walls. Terry is not a fan of the close knit together time that they've been spending in the smaller rental. Terry needs his space! Heather is still getting roles and not just on quirky comedies that are cancelled after one season (ahem, Malibu Country) and is moving on to dramatic roles. Coming up, an abused girlfriend on Hawaii 50!! She decides this is the perfect bonding trip and invites Vicki and Tamra to come along. This will go perfectly, right?
Vicki
The OG of the OC is back for her ninth season and she remains the same person she was when she first stepped in front of the cameras. The clothing and office may have changed, and her um, you know, face, but Vicki is still Vicki. I'm not sure if it's sad or refreshing that someone has done this for so long and undergone no personal growth. Vicki says she's a work in progress, and work is going very slowly. Vicki hems and haws about Brooks. You know they are still dating even before the big cliffhanger with Heather and Tamra at dinner in Hawaii. She also has some strange kid from Coto Insurance living with her part-time, because she's terrified of being alone. This is further evidenced when she goes to visit Brianna and finds out that they will be moving to Oklahoma where Ryan was stationed. Even though Oklahoma sucks, Brianna is excited to start fresh. I would be too. Fly Brianna. Fly and never look back. Tamra and Vicki have a whole plan to corrupt Fancy Pants, and possibly bring back the return of "naked wasted." Like I said, Gretchen gone, but not forgotten. Heather is obvs not having it and this leads to some tension between the ladies. I have always liked the dynamic between Heather, Vicki, and Tamra. Heather is so different than the whooping it up, partying, leaking on hotel beds Tamra and Vicki, but it seemed to be a case of where opposites do attract. Now, it seems their differences might be too much since Heather seemed to be grating on both Vicki and Tamra's nerves in Hawaii. First, Heather didn't want to surf because she didn't like the water. Every time she said "knee deep" I howled. It was great. It was less great as Heather corrected Vicki when she called a tree an STD and was talking about wine and Heather Google'd it, in front of her! I think that was my issue. I'm a know-it-all and I like to be right, but I've learned that it's OK to know you're right and not rub it in. I regularly Google things my friends tell me when I know they're wrong, but not in front of them. That is poor form. I'm hoping that Heather, Tamra and Vicki can weather this and move forward, because I love their against the odds friendship. I think Heather seeing this on TV will help her realize where they're coming from.
So, what did you all think? Happy the original franchise is back for more? Are you excited to meet Lizzie? Are you ready to head to Dr. Moon's? Let me know.
Tamra
Tamra and Eddie are still going strong and running their gym, CUT Fitness. Eddie is using his body to convince Orange County women to give up their wine so they can do some weird program. I don't get it. I don't understand extreme exercising and why people do it. Or you know, exercising in general. Whatever the case, Tamra and Eddie seem to be very happy, even though Tamra seems to have a case of the jealousies. I don't know why, but she needs to stop doing whatever she's been doing to her eye area. She looks weird. I don't like it. Even though Tamra's face has changed... drastically, you can still count on her to not mince words. I love how uncouth Tamra is. Is getting older awesome? Not according to Tamra, it sucks "sweaty balls." Never change, Tamra. And just because Gretchen is gone, she is definitely not forgotten. On a hike with Heather, the ladies bring up their former cast mate. Apparently, Gretchen and Slade came to Dr. Terry's office for a ... facial? OK, Heather. You're being discreet. I appreciate you. Tamra is still smarting from her lack of a wedding gift. Of course, Heather attempts tact and reminds her that she has a year, but Tamra is less than convinced. But she may have lucked out. I think Tamra has all the Gretchen Christine products she can handle.
Heather
Heather and Terry are ready to start construction on their new home and it is going to be bigger and better than the last. A secret room! An infinity pool! A salon! But sorry Terry, no extra closets or space for you. This may seem extravagant and it is, but come on, they sold their other house for $16, 450,000, so it's not like they can't afford it. They are making due in a small for them rental, that maybe used to belong to a music star of some kind, based on the guitars and records on the walls. Terry is not a fan of the close knit together time that they've been spending in the smaller rental. Terry needs his space! Heather is still getting roles and not just on quirky comedies that are cancelled after one season (ahem, Malibu Country) and is moving on to dramatic roles. Coming up, an abused girlfriend on Hawaii 50!! She decides this is the perfect bonding trip and invites Vicki and Tamra to come along. This will go perfectly, right?
Vicki
The OG of the OC is back for her ninth season and she remains the same person she was when she first stepped in front of the cameras. The clothing and office may have changed, and her um, you know, face, but Vicki is still Vicki. I'm not sure if it's sad or refreshing that someone has done this for so long and undergone no personal growth. Vicki says she's a work in progress, and work is going very slowly. Vicki hems and haws about Brooks. You know they are still dating even before the big cliffhanger with Heather and Tamra at dinner in Hawaii. She also has some strange kid from Coto Insurance living with her part-time, because she's terrified of being alone. This is further evidenced when she goes to visit Brianna and finds out that they will be moving to Oklahoma where Ryan was stationed. Even though Oklahoma sucks, Brianna is excited to start fresh. I would be too. Fly Brianna. Fly and never look back. Tamra and Vicki have a whole plan to corrupt Fancy Pants, and possibly bring back the return of "naked wasted." Like I said, Gretchen gone, but not forgotten. Heather is obvs not having it and this leads to some tension between the ladies. I have always liked the dynamic between Heather, Vicki, and Tamra. Heather is so different than the whooping it up, partying, leaking on hotel beds Tamra and Vicki, but it seemed to be a case of where opposites do attract. Now, it seems their differences might be too much since Heather seemed to be grating on both Vicki and Tamra's nerves in Hawaii. First, Heather didn't want to surf because she didn't like the water. Every time she said "knee deep" I howled. It was great. It was less great as Heather corrected Vicki when she called a tree an STD and was talking about wine and Heather Google'd it, in front of her! I think that was my issue. I'm a know-it-all and I like to be right, but I've learned that it's OK to know you're right and not rub it in. I regularly Google things my friends tell me when I know they're wrong, but not in front of them. That is poor form. I'm hoping that Heather, Tamra and Vicki can weather this and move forward, because I love their against the odds friendship. I think Heather seeing this on TV will help her realize where they're coming from.
So, what did you all think? Happy the original franchise is back for more? Are you excited to meet Lizzie? Are you ready to head to Dr. Moon's? Let me know.
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