The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 1: "What a Difference a Plea Makes"
There isn't a lot of reality in reality television. It's manufactured. "The Real Housewives" is no exception. These women may become friends, but normally their connections to each other are tenuous at best. Part of the allure of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" is the fact that these women have known each other for years and some of them are family. It lends an authenticity to the show that the other installments of the franchise lack.
Reality has certainly encroached on this season. Towards the end of last season, it was revealed that Teresa and Joe Giudice were facing federal indictments on multiple fraud charges stemming from falsifying tax documents and bankruptcy fraud. There's no way that you can film this season and not touch on these issues and how they are affecting the Giudice family, especially since both Teresa and Joe are facing prison time and Joe could be deported.
The episode opens in February with news of the Giudices plea deal and Melissa and Joey G. watching it on television. Melissa is doing her faux concern thing. She seems even more concerned with looking good for the cameras. She calls Teresa to see how she's doing and Teresa does her "don't believe anything you see or read because it's all lies" thing. According to Tre, they haven't even accepted their plea deal yet. Once Teresa and Melissa are off the phone, things really start to get real.
Anyone who has read my recaps of last season knows that I am not a huge fan of Gia Giudice. She comes off as a spoiled brat. Milania does too, but because of Milania's age, she is able to get away with it. Watching Gia break down over the possibility of losing both her parents and letting Teresa know that she is able to understand and comprehend what her parents are going through melted my cynical Gia hating heart. No matter your opinion of the Giudices (and mine isn't high), you have to feel for their children. Teresa and Joe made their choices and now will have to deal with the consequences, but the girls did nothing.
Flashback to 3 months prior and we are in simpler times. Like I normally do, let's check in with each Housewife and catch up on what their lives have been like since we last saw them. I'm going to flip the script a little and start with this season's new additions, starting with:
Amber
Amber Marchese is the first of our new Housewives. She is married to Jim and has two kids and two stepkids. Jim seems like a skeeve and not a lovable skeeve i.e. Rich Wakile and Joey Gorga, but just shifty. He sort of looks like a rat and has a high pitched, nasally voice. He also brings in a dead pig and scares his kids, which is super douche-y. Amber claims that she and Melissa are old friends, but I'm not convinced. They were hard partiers together in their twenties and Amber went to Melissa and Joe's wedding, but they seemed to drift apart not long after that. Amber throws some not so subtle digs at Melissa. Amber went the college route to make money, while Melissa married rich. Melissa's way must not be that bad since Amber is on the same show that Melissa is on. Apparently, Amber also appears in commercial's for Jim's business. Seriously, how many businesses in Jersey want these chicks in their commercials. Teresa has been in one, Joey Gorga and now Amber. Some of the animosity that Amber holds for Melissa could stem from the fact that Amber went through breast cancer a few years ago and Melissa seems to have no knowledge about it when Amber confronts her at her harvest party. I'm not sure if Melissa could have faked the blank, clueless look on her face. She is not that good of an actress. Also, it was a little shady that Amber couldn't find this supposed Facebook message that Melissa sent her when she found out about Amber's condition. I hate to label a lady crazy, but Amber looks to be the NJ Aviva. She's tightly wound, type A and is already causing drama with a woman that she wants tobe be friends with. Note to Amber: I'm sure Emily Post would frown on someone inviting fifteen couples to a party they weren't hosting, but I'm pretty sure she would also give you the side eye for use of the word "ettiquecy." Where is the Countess when she's really needed?
Teresa & Nicole
What's better than one "Jersey Shore" reject? Two if the executives at Bravo are to be believed. That's right. Twins! Teresa pronounced with a short e sound Aprea and Nicole Napolitano have joined the cast. I'm not sure how I'm going to keep these two straight. Teresa has darker hair. She's married to a guy she's already divorced once named Rino and they have a kid together. Nicole believes that women only need "Dunkin Donuts and oral sex." This could explain why she is a divorcée. Nicole lives with her parents and dates some dude named, Bobby. The twins are friends with Amber. Well, as much as anyone can be friends with someone like Amber. They seem like oil and water. The twins are trashy and down for a good time. Amber is trashy, but she believes that she's not. She's pretentious trashy, which is never a good thing. Teresa's husband, Rino, is going to be a polarizing figure. During Amber's party, he announces to anyone within earshot that he was circumcised when he was 27 and he leaves halfway through because the party is boring dragging Teresa along. Nicole's boyfriend seems to be a non entity at this point. I'm not even sure if I need to learn his name. I don't think I'm going to. I have more important things to worry about, like how I'm going to distinguish Twin Teresa from OG Teresa. Wait. I think I've done it.
Dina
She may be new this season, but we all know Dina Manzo. Dina was an original cast member who left midway through season 2 because she couldn't handle the crazy train that was former cast mate, Danielle Staub. Dina was not completely absent in the interim. She made an appearance one season because she and Teresa have remained friends. Dina and sister Caroline are still estranged and she doesn't appreciate you asking about it thankyouverymuch. Dina is separated from her husband, Tommy, but they still live together and bone from time to time, as you do. Her daughter, Lexi, is leaving for college and all she really has is a home that has become a home for busted pets. Seriously. I'm not trying to be cruel, but what kind of quality of life can a dog have that has no front paws. I think it's time to hang it up. Dina is zen, but don't fuck with her. She is trying to be zen. She even went to some Buddhist retreat thing, but only lasted a few days before she went to a bed and breakfast. She's working on it. Dina is supporting Teresa and she seems to like the new girls. She bonds with Amber over her cancer and Nicole over her divorce. I'm sure they will be all be the best of friends and there will be no friction and everyone will get Dina's mom's guardian angel bracelets and they'll all go skipping along together down the Jersey shore.
Melissa
Does anyone care about Melissa? Does anyone even like her anymore? She's the Kyle Richards of RHONJ. She started out being sympathetic and someone people liked and defended, but now she is just a self involved victim with a martyr complex. I'm over it. I'm not sure why they keep her around. She didn't really do anything this episode, except invite Teresa and Dina to Amber's party, prove she is a terrible friend and show faux concern over Teresa's situation.
Teresa
Oh Teresa. I know people have tons of opinions about what the Giudices did and what they deserve. First off, I'm not here to make judgements about all of that. They've pleaded guilty, accepted a plea and soon we will all know what their punishment will be. I don't believe that her being on this show or a reality TV celebrity will sway a judge or diminish her punishment. I don't think it's wrong that she chose to continue with the show. This is her job. You don't stop doing your job because of crazy things happening in your personal life. She needs money and love her or hate her, Teresa is a polarizing figure and she brings viewers to the show. People want to know what she is going to do and want to know what's happening. I will say that it does frustrate me when Teresa bemoans her situation and claims she doesn't know how this happened. Really girl? You have no idea? I know that you don't want to discuss whether or not you're guilty, but why not say nothing to avoid it? Plus side, we get more Milania. She is still cute and out of control and we are all thankful that she is not our child, because if she was her antics would be way less funny. I do think they show is sort of giving Teresa the sympathetic edit. The show is bookended by two Giudice family tragedies. First, the announcement that they have pled guilty and accepted a plea and at the end of the episode the reveal that Joe's father has passed away. After Joe made a sort of rambling speech that I think was supposed to seem heartfelt, but really just made him seem like he was drunk.
So what did you guys think? Any sympathy for Teresa? Are you happy Dina's back? Does anyone like Melissa? Who's your favorite newbie? Let me know in the comments.
Reality has certainly encroached on this season. Towards the end of last season, it was revealed that Teresa and Joe Giudice were facing federal indictments on multiple fraud charges stemming from falsifying tax documents and bankruptcy fraud. There's no way that you can film this season and not touch on these issues and how they are affecting the Giudice family, especially since both Teresa and Joe are facing prison time and Joe could be deported.
The episode opens in February with news of the Giudices plea deal and Melissa and Joey G. watching it on television. Melissa is doing her faux concern thing. She seems even more concerned with looking good for the cameras. She calls Teresa to see how she's doing and Teresa does her "don't believe anything you see or read because it's all lies" thing. According to Tre, they haven't even accepted their plea deal yet. Once Teresa and Melissa are off the phone, things really start to get real.
Anyone who has read my recaps of last season knows that I am not a huge fan of Gia Giudice. She comes off as a spoiled brat. Milania does too, but because of Milania's age, she is able to get away with it. Watching Gia break down over the possibility of losing both her parents and letting Teresa know that she is able to understand and comprehend what her parents are going through melted my cynical Gia hating heart. No matter your opinion of the Giudices (and mine isn't high), you have to feel for their children. Teresa and Joe made their choices and now will have to deal with the consequences, but the girls did nothing.
Flashback to 3 months prior and we are in simpler times. Like I normally do, let's check in with each Housewife and catch up on what their lives have been like since we last saw them. I'm going to flip the script a little and start with this season's new additions, starting with:
Amber
Amber Marchese is the first of our new Housewives. She is married to Jim and has two kids and two stepkids. Jim seems like a skeeve and not a lovable skeeve i.e. Rich Wakile and Joey Gorga, but just shifty. He sort of looks like a rat and has a high pitched, nasally voice. He also brings in a dead pig and scares his kids, which is super douche-y. Amber claims that she and Melissa are old friends, but I'm not convinced. They were hard partiers together in their twenties and Amber went to Melissa and Joe's wedding, but they seemed to drift apart not long after that. Amber throws some not so subtle digs at Melissa. Amber went the college route to make money, while Melissa married rich. Melissa's way must not be that bad since Amber is on the same show that Melissa is on. Apparently, Amber also appears in commercial's for Jim's business. Seriously, how many businesses in Jersey want these chicks in their commercials. Teresa has been in one, Joey Gorga and now Amber. Some of the animosity that Amber holds for Melissa could stem from the fact that Amber went through breast cancer a few years ago and Melissa seems to have no knowledge about it when Amber confronts her at her harvest party. I'm not sure if Melissa could have faked the blank, clueless look on her face. She is not that good of an actress. Also, it was a little shady that Amber couldn't find this supposed Facebook message that Melissa sent her when she found out about Amber's condition. I hate to label a lady crazy, but Amber looks to be the NJ Aviva. She's tightly wound, type A and is already causing drama with a woman that she wants to
Teresa & Nicole
What's better than one "Jersey Shore" reject? Two if the executives at Bravo are to be believed. That's right. Twins! Teresa pronounced with a short e sound Aprea and Nicole Napolitano have joined the cast. I'm not sure how I'm going to keep these two straight. Teresa has darker hair. She's married to a guy she's already divorced once named Rino and they have a kid together. Nicole believes that women only need "Dunkin Donuts and oral sex." This could explain why she is a divorcée. Nicole lives with her parents and dates some dude named, Bobby. The twins are friends with Amber. Well, as much as anyone can be friends with someone like Amber. They seem like oil and water. The twins are trashy and down for a good time. Amber is trashy, but she believes that she's not. She's pretentious trashy, which is never a good thing. Teresa's husband, Rino, is going to be a polarizing figure. During Amber's party, he announces to anyone within earshot that he was circumcised when he was 27 and he leaves halfway through because the party is boring dragging Teresa along. Nicole's boyfriend seems to be a non entity at this point. I'm not even sure if I need to learn his name. I don't think I'm going to. I have more important things to worry about, like how I'm going to distinguish Twin Teresa from OG Teresa. Wait. I think I've done it.
Dina
She may be new this season, but we all know Dina Manzo. Dina was an original cast member who left midway through season 2 because she couldn't handle the crazy train that was former cast mate, Danielle Staub. Dina was not completely absent in the interim. She made an appearance one season because she and Teresa have remained friends. Dina and sister Caroline are still estranged and she doesn't appreciate you asking about it thankyouverymuch. Dina is separated from her husband, Tommy, but they still live together and bone from time to time, as you do. Her daughter, Lexi, is leaving for college and all she really has is a home that has become a home for busted pets. Seriously. I'm not trying to be cruel, but what kind of quality of life can a dog have that has no front paws. I think it's time to hang it up. Dina is zen, but don't fuck with her. She is trying to be zen. She even went to some Buddhist retreat thing, but only lasted a few days before she went to a bed and breakfast. She's working on it. Dina is supporting Teresa and she seems to like the new girls. She bonds with Amber over her cancer and Nicole over her divorce. I'm sure they will be all be the best of friends and there will be no friction and everyone will get Dina's mom's guardian angel bracelets and they'll all go skipping along together down the Jersey shore.
Melissa
Does anyone care about Melissa? Does anyone even like her anymore? She's the Kyle Richards of RHONJ. She started out being sympathetic and someone people liked and defended, but now she is just a self involved victim with a martyr complex. I'm over it. I'm not sure why they keep her around. She didn't really do anything this episode, except invite Teresa and Dina to Amber's party, prove she is a terrible friend and show faux concern over Teresa's situation.
Teresa
Oh Teresa. I know people have tons of opinions about what the Giudices did and what they deserve. First off, I'm not here to make judgements about all of that. They've pleaded guilty, accepted a plea and soon we will all know what their punishment will be. I don't believe that her being on this show or a reality TV celebrity will sway a judge or diminish her punishment. I don't think it's wrong that she chose to continue with the show. This is her job. You don't stop doing your job because of crazy things happening in your personal life. She needs money and love her or hate her, Teresa is a polarizing figure and she brings viewers to the show. People want to know what she is going to do and want to know what's happening. I will say that it does frustrate me when Teresa bemoans her situation and claims she doesn't know how this happened. Really girl? You have no idea? I know that you don't want to discuss whether or not you're guilty, but why not say nothing to avoid it? Plus side, we get more Milania. She is still cute and out of control and we are all thankful that she is not our child, because if she was her antics would be way less funny. I do think they show is sort of giving Teresa the sympathetic edit. The show is bookended by two Giudice family tragedies. First, the announcement that they have pled guilty and accepted a plea and at the end of the episode the reveal that Joe's father has passed away. After Joe made a sort of rambling speech that I think was supposed to seem heartfelt, but really just made him seem like he was drunk.
So what did you guys think? Any sympathy for Teresa? Are you happy Dina's back? Does anyone like Melissa? Who's your favorite newbie? Let me know in the comments.
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