The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 8: "Scum One, Scum All"
I think the reason why people find The Real Housewives of New Jersey so compelling and so watchable is because that most of the drama revolves around family. There is no drama more relatable to people than family drama. We have all been there and there is no one we fight more passionately with than family. I think that we can all relate with what is happening with the Giudice/Gorga/Wakiles. Even if you have never accused your sister-in-law of being a stripper or got into a brawl with your brother-in-law in a castle, chances are you have had a deep rift with a family member at one time, and I think, watching this, we all go back to that time.
So, in this episode, we saw the actual brawl between the Joes, the immediate fallout and the beginning of a possible mending of relationships with the help of Bravolebrity, Dr. V. Since this was not your typical RHONJ episode, Jacqueline didn't even appear, I am going to do this recap a little differently. I'm going to structure it around some of my favorite quotes from the episode.
"He's biting my nuts!" - Joe Giudice
So, Joe Gorga barrels into Juicy hitting him at the knees. It is at this point that all hell breaks loose and everyone starts to freak out. Melissa and Richie and Rosie go for the Joes and attempt to break them up. Teresa flees from the room, ignoring Melissa's cries to help her brother. Juicy claims that Joey is biting his nuts. Now, if he was doing this, I wouldn't be surprised, but who knows? Lord knows the cameramen were zooming in as close as they could, but I didn't see any ball biting. If any eagle eyed blog viewers happened to catch some, please let me know in the comments. Where did Teresa go? Why to get the police of course or castle security, more likely. "Castle security." There are two words that I never thought I'd have to type. So, they finally get the Joe's torn apart, more verbal slurs are thrown, and right now, it's not looking good for any kind of long term reconciliation.
Black shit.
This isn't a quote, but after the brawl it seemed like everyone involved was covered with some black substance. There was a fun montage of everyone wondering what this could be. Joe Gorga doesn't know and he rips his shirt off furiously. Melissa is confused. Richie and Juicy don't know. Cut to Joe Gorga's interview. It turns out that Joe is going gray, so he spray paints his hair black to cover it up and that when they were fighting it smeared off his head and onto everyone else. I got a good chuckle from that and it was nice.
Kathy's nose
This is not a quote, either. Sue me. It was pretty funny when Kathy made the comment she stayed away from the fight, because she didn't want to break her new nose. I sort of love Kathy. You can't fault her reasoning. That nose was not cheap. Fuck the test kitchen, that nose is Kathy's prized possession.
"We've hit rock bottom." - Melissa Gorga
Some would argue that you all hit rock bottom a long time ago, but it was pretty clear in this episode. After the fight, there was a lot of talk about everyone just calling the whole thing off. Melissa was upset that Teresa wasn't helping her pull the two Joes apart, going so far as to call her sister-in-law the devil. I mean, I would argue that Teresa actually did the right thing by going to get the security guards. We were also visited one more time by Steve and Stephanie, the worst teambuilders in the entire world. They spew some ridiculous platitudes that no one listens to, including me. Then, just when you thought you can't get any lower, we are treated to a scene of Teresa and Joe canoodling in the hot tub. A skeevy room service guy comes in and he is obvs checking out Teresa's rack, who judging by the blur action, is having a bit of a nip slip. I am not a huge fan of watching the Giudices preparing to bump uglies and I could have gone my whole life without hearing about Juicy's masturbation schedule.
"I think I might need your help." - Teresa Giudice
When Teresa picked up the phone to call for help, I half expected her to call Gia and tell her to hop on her bike and get to Lake George. I mean, she was instrumental in setting up the season premiere play date. Alas, it was not to be. Instead, she called Caroline. She told Caroline all about the fight and asked her if she would come to Lake George since Joe had originally reached out to Caroline to begin with. This really appealed to Caroline's natural inclination to meddle, so she packed her bag and headed for the castle, despite Lauren's protests. Hey, if Caroline ends up getting murdered or gets hit by some of Juicy's jizz, don't blame Lauren. She tried.
"Don't let the blonde hair fool you. I'm Italian where it counts. My vagina." - Dr. V
Teresa only trusts pretty people and Italians so thank God that Dr. V is hot and Italian. Teresa doesn't trust her at first, because, there are no blonde Italians. Dr. V assures her that her lady parts are full Guido. I'm not sure what this means, but it seems to reassure Teresa. I'm not sure if she means the carpet doesn't match the drapes, so her pubes are dark or if her vagina can make a mean marinara. It's weird. It's also not what you would expect a therapist to say. Then I remembered, this is Bravo. It's all making sense now.
"Doctor V, you're a miracle worker. Work your magic." - Joe Gorga
So, Doctor V attempted to work her magic, but it wasn't working very well. She sat down for dinner with the family, but Melissa was being particularly uncooperative. She wouldn't say anything in front of Melissa. I don't think Melissa understands how therapy works. Dr. V, despite her casual F bombs and magical super Italian vajay, is not one of Melissa's girlfriends who will titter about Teresa behind her back. Teresa isn't much better. When Dr. V takes Joe Gorga and Teresa for a private session, Teresa's shrieky tears with no actual teardrops are not convincing. Dr. V makes some compelling points about the siblings spending time together and having each other's backs, but it doesn't look like it is going to go anywhere.
What did you guys think? Did you miss Jacqueline? Was Caroline helpful? Will Dr. V successfully bring this family back together? Are you Italian? Is showing people your vagina how you silence doubters? Let me know in the comments.
So, in this episode, we saw the actual brawl between the Joes, the immediate fallout and the beginning of a possible mending of relationships with the help of Bravolebrity, Dr. V. Since this was not your typical RHONJ episode, Jacqueline didn't even appear, I am going to do this recap a little differently. I'm going to structure it around some of my favorite quotes from the episode.
"He's biting my nuts!" - Joe Giudice
So, Joe Gorga barrels into Juicy hitting him at the knees. It is at this point that all hell breaks loose and everyone starts to freak out. Melissa and Richie and Rosie go for the Joes and attempt to break them up. Teresa flees from the room, ignoring Melissa's cries to help her brother. Juicy claims that Joey is biting his nuts. Now, if he was doing this, I wouldn't be surprised, but who knows? Lord knows the cameramen were zooming in as close as they could, but I didn't see any ball biting. If any eagle eyed blog viewers happened to catch some, please let me know in the comments. Where did Teresa go? Why to get the police of course or castle security, more likely. "Castle security." There are two words that I never thought I'd have to type. So, they finally get the Joe's torn apart, more verbal slurs are thrown, and right now, it's not looking good for any kind of long term reconciliation.
Black shit.
This isn't a quote, but after the brawl it seemed like everyone involved was covered with some black substance. There was a fun montage of everyone wondering what this could be. Joe Gorga doesn't know and he rips his shirt off furiously. Melissa is confused. Richie and Juicy don't know. Cut to Joe Gorga's interview. It turns out that Joe is going gray, so he spray paints his hair black to cover it up and that when they were fighting it smeared off his head and onto everyone else. I got a good chuckle from that and it was nice.
Kathy's nose
This is not a quote, either. Sue me. It was pretty funny when Kathy made the comment she stayed away from the fight, because she didn't want to break her new nose. I sort of love Kathy. You can't fault her reasoning. That nose was not cheap. Fuck the test kitchen, that nose is Kathy's prized possession.
"We've hit rock bottom." - Melissa Gorga
Some would argue that you all hit rock bottom a long time ago, but it was pretty clear in this episode. After the fight, there was a lot of talk about everyone just calling the whole thing off. Melissa was upset that Teresa wasn't helping her pull the two Joes apart, going so far as to call her sister-in-law the devil. I mean, I would argue that Teresa actually did the right thing by going to get the security guards. We were also visited one more time by Steve and Stephanie, the worst teambuilders in the entire world. They spew some ridiculous platitudes that no one listens to, including me. Then, just when you thought you can't get any lower, we are treated to a scene of Teresa and Joe canoodling in the hot tub. A skeevy room service guy comes in and he is obvs checking out Teresa's rack, who judging by the blur action, is having a bit of a nip slip. I am not a huge fan of watching the Giudices preparing to bump uglies and I could have gone my whole life without hearing about Juicy's masturbation schedule.
"I think I might need your help." - Teresa Giudice
When Teresa picked up the phone to call for help, I half expected her to call Gia and tell her to hop on her bike and get to Lake George. I mean, she was instrumental in setting up the season premiere play date. Alas, it was not to be. Instead, she called Caroline. She told Caroline all about the fight and asked her if she would come to Lake George since Joe had originally reached out to Caroline to begin with. This really appealed to Caroline's natural inclination to meddle, so she packed her bag and headed for the castle, despite Lauren's protests. Hey, if Caroline ends up getting murdered or gets hit by some of Juicy's jizz, don't blame Lauren. She tried.
"Don't let the blonde hair fool you. I'm Italian where it counts. My vagina." - Dr. V
Teresa only trusts pretty people and Italians so thank God that Dr. V is hot and Italian. Teresa doesn't trust her at first, because, there are no blonde Italians. Dr. V assures her that her lady parts are full Guido. I'm not sure what this means, but it seems to reassure Teresa. I'm not sure if she means the carpet doesn't match the drapes, so her pubes are dark or if her vagina can make a mean marinara. It's weird. It's also not what you would expect a therapist to say. Then I remembered, this is Bravo. It's all making sense now.
"Doctor V, you're a miracle worker. Work your magic." - Joe Gorga
So, Doctor V attempted to work her magic, but it wasn't working very well. She sat down for dinner with the family, but Melissa was being particularly uncooperative. She wouldn't say anything in front of Melissa. I don't think Melissa understands how therapy works. Dr. V, despite her casual F bombs and magical super Italian vajay, is not one of Melissa's girlfriends who will titter about Teresa behind her back. Teresa isn't much better. When Dr. V takes Joe Gorga and Teresa for a private session, Teresa's shrieky tears with no actual teardrops are not convincing. Dr. V makes some compelling points about the siblings spending time together and having each other's backs, but it doesn't look like it is going to go anywhere.
What did you guys think? Did you miss Jacqueline? Was Caroline helpful? Will Dr. V successfully bring this family back together? Are you Italian? Is showing people your vagina how you silence doubters? Let me know in the comments.
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