Sunday, August 18, 2013

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Zumba, Tummy Tucks, and Zio Joe

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 11: "Children of the Scorned"


I feel like Andy Cohen is punking me.  We're not quite at the midway point for the season and everyone is getting along.  We thought we were going to get a verbal brawl between sociopath Teresa and unhinged Jacqueline, but it was over before it even began.  Everyone is getting along.  This is not why people watch this show.  We want drama.  We crave it.  I only hope that producers are lulling us into a false sense of security, and some shit is going to go down soon.  I mean, if the only altercations are between Gia Giudice and Joey Gorga, then this is going to be a long second half of the season.

We pick back up where we left off, Jacqueline and Teresa, across from each other.  Teresa just called Jacqueline evil and I was ready.  She is going to go off.  I had my popcorn ready.  What happened next?  Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.  Zero.  Jacqueline calmly tells Teresa that she hurt her.  Teresa is shocked.  In Teresa's world, she is perfect.  People come for her.  They try to tear her and her family down.  She does nothing wrong.  So, how could she hurt Jacqueline?  Jacqueline finally starts to show some emotion when she confronts Teresa about how she said Jacqueline needs to stay off Twitter and worry about her son.  This brings up something all Housewife watchers are familiar with.  Say what you want about me, but leave my kids alone.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.  What is going to come of this?  We may not be able to be friends like we were, but we can be civil.  Ah, the civility compromise.  Let's hope it doesn't last.  I want to see these two go at it.

The ladies join their husbands, stopping Juicy Joe from making anymore cringe inducing statements about people with autism.  Seriously, it's like Juicy watched three episodes of The Big Bang Theory and thinks he is an autism expert.  I'm sure that one of the people Juicy mentioned who he knows with autism is Sheldon Cooper.  Then, Juicy displays more bi-polar behavior when he tells Jacqueline that all is forgiven and forgotten when she apologizes for spreading the cheating "rumors."  Oy vey.  This guy.  Maybe that knock on the head from a couple seasons ago did more damage than we thought.

Apparently, blk. water is still a thing.  The Manzo brothers and Chris have a meeting in their new office.  Which is really nice and big, but completely empty.  Is this a real business?  I mean, Chris acts like it is, and he's all concerned that his nephews will spend more time on Little Town.  I'm thinking this might be a front.  Will Chris Laurita be the next cast member to be indicted?

We were treated to some uncle/niece bonding time as Joey took horrible, obnoxious Gia go karting.  I understand that Gia is a teenager, and this is how teenagers act, but I feel like Gia is worse.  A lot of this is Teresa's fault.  Teresa acts like Gia just finds this stuff out, but Teresa puts her in the thick of it.  So, when she talks to Joe about how Melissa intstigated and brings up the christening, you know that stuff came directly from Teresa , which is not cool or appropriate.  Zio Joe handles this all very well, basically telling Gia that it's adult business and he takes reponsibility without blaming Teresa.  Good job, Joey.

All the Housewives, minus Caroline, get together to go to a Zumba for charity event.  It's all pretty boring.  It is pretty awkward when the Lauritas and the Wakiles show up, especially since they haven't seen the kids for a couple of years.  Teresa and Jacqueline have another moment after Zumba is over.  It doesn't seem real at all and when Teresa goes in for a hug, Jacqueline looks like a scared animal, ready to bolt at any moment.  The best moment of the episode came from Milania, not a big surprise there.  There is a pole on the bus that took everyone to the event.  Juicy is ribbing Melissa about showing everyone her moves.  She won't.  Milania takes some initiative and starts climbing the pole.  "Look, I'm Melissa!  I'm on the pole!"  LOL.

This episode saw everyone saying good-bye to Chris and Albie's gay roommate, Greg.  We all love Greg.  He was a great addition to the show and I hope the boys are right, and he ends up back in Jersey.  It was a nice moment at dinner when Caroline teared up.  She really loves Greg and I can relate.  One of my best friend's mom's is like my second mom, so it struck a chord with me.  Also, if it wasn't for this party, Caroline would have gotten zero screen time this whole episode.

Jacqueline's getting a tummy tuck, y'all!  Who needs to diet and exercise when you can just go under the knife, amiright?  Jacqueline is going all the way to Beverly Hills to get a little nip and a little tuck.  Her parents and Ashley are going to meet her there.  Ashley.  Wow, we haven't seen that mess in a while, and guess what?  She is less of a mess.  She actually tries to keep quesadilla mowing, tequila swilling Jacqueline from ignoring docor's orders.  A valiant attempt Ash, but a lot has changed since you were living in Jersey.

So, Jacqueline goes under the knife.  I'm pretty sure that Jacqueline got her plastic surgeon's number from the guy selling her knock off Louis Vuitton's.  What was this guy's deal?  He was perving on Ashley and talking about how he hoped Jacqueline didn't want a body like Ashley's.  I mean, Ashley is a hot 21-year-old piece and Jacqueline is over 40.  Gross.  Speaking of gross, how about that shot of the triangles of fat, one of them featuring Jacqueline's tattoo?  I wonder if those will find their way onto the Watch What Happens Live clubhouse shelf, next to Tamra Judge's breast implants.

So, everything turns out well.  Jacqueline can continue to not exercise, but be skinny.  Yay!

So, what did you guys think of this episode?  Do you hate Gia, too?  Will you miss Greg?  Do you Zumba?  Will Jacqueline and Teresa be BFF's again?  Would you want your plastic surgeon perving on your daughter while he was operating on you?  Sound off in the comments.

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