The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 6: "Unhappy Anniversary"
Ramona Singer is an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in another enigma. She's back from Africa and refreshed, filled with peace. She hears about the drama between Heather and Aviva and has decided to take on a role unknown to her up to this point: the peacemaker. Can Ramona bring these ladies together? Can she mend this fractured group? Should we start calling her Ramona Gandhi? Not so fast.
It's a Tuesday so one of the Housewives is throwing a charity event. This time it is Heather. Apparently, a jewelery designer, Karen Karch, was insipired by Jax's organ donation story and part of the proceeds are being donated to Heather's charity. So, that's nice. But enough about that. Ramona comes breezing in and immediately finds herself embroiled in the drama between Heather and Aviva. Heather lets Ramona know that Aviva is no longer invited to Heather's ten year anniversary party. This is what shifts Ramona into peacemaker mode, not because she really wants them to be friends, but more because it reminds her of when Heather didn't invite her to London. In order for Ramona to be altruistic something has to be in it for her.
Elsewhere in the party, Carole is appalled at Kristen's unwillingness to blow Josh. Carole thinks there should be a beej a day. I'm sure any married guys watching are cheering while their wives are composing strongly worded emails to Carole. Ramona is letting the rest of the party know she's really back by educmacating them about lion fornication much to LuAnn's dismay. When Sonja shows up, Ramonja is reunited and they tag team Heather on the Aviva front. Heather is pretty overwhelmed and she makes a good point. Sonja and Aviva have been made up for like five minutes, but Heather needs to make up with her right away. Ramonja didn't speak to Aviva for almost a year. Come on, ladies. Give it some time.
The warring factions meet separately. Aviva joins Ramonja as they shop for things for Avery's dorm room while Carole watches from the sidelines while Heather directs Kristen in a Yummie photo shoot. During a break, Kristen gets the skinny on Ramonja's complicated past with Aviva i.e. the white trash comments and taking Xanax and a queen. Once Kristen is up to speed, she doesn't understand why Ramona is so quick to get Aviva and Heather speaking again. After lots of brow beating, Heather agrees to meet up with Aviva for dinner.
Sidebar: Carole and Kristen meet up with Jonathan because he is buying her caviar for their anniversary. I always think that people who say the LOVE caviar are lying, because to me it's just like eating a spoonful of salt. It could be possible that I have just had really shitty caviar. That is probably it. Also, Heather promised Jonathan a threeway if they made it 10 years, because nothing says our marriage is built to last than inviting some other woman into your marital bed. Fear not, it's not going to happen.
It's time for Aviva and Heather's meet up. They place some ground rules before it gets going that neither one of them are going to be able to follow: no yelling and no cursing. Heather immediately says "Fuck no" to the no cursing rule, well not literally, but the fuck is implied. Aviva immediate re-iterates to Heather and to viewers why she is terrible. She again busts out the verbally raping bon mot from the last episode, but adds that she took it up the butt metaphorically. She also tries to spin comparing Sonja to Anna Nicole Smith a compliment. Um... yeah, definitely comparing someone to an ex Playboy centerfold who lived her life in a continuous downward spiral until she died is a compliment. I'd hate to hear an insult, Aviva. Speaking of circling the drain, this conversation is doing it. Heather calls Aviva "fucking dramatic" and this causes Aviva to go apoplectic. Heather refuses to apologize and if Aviva is angling for an apology asking Heather if she and Carole are lovers is probably not going to make that happen. Aviva brings up the conversation with Carole at the restaurant that started this thing and tries to illustrate to Heather why what Carole said was so offensive by using a really horrible baby analogy. Is it really offensive to ask someone if they had a "C" section? I'd really like to know, so would some mothers help me out with this in the comments? Eventually, the ladies decide they hate each other still, but now they are more cool with it and Heather will maybe invite Aviva to her anniversary party? And Aviva people like Heather and myself who swear like it's our job would never call someone a "fucking fucker."
We are briefly treated to breakfast with the Singers where Avery continues to act like a little bitch. Whining ever time Ramona shows a little bit of genuine(?) emotion about her leaving. She rubs in the fact that she won't be coming home to visit Ramona by offering to help Mario at the office. This is accompanied by a flashback to young Avery, still a bitch, telling Mario she had no interest in the family business. This seems to punctuate the fact that Avery has always been a bitch and hated her parents. And scene.
It's now time for the much promoted Housewives crossover with Brandi and Yolanda from Beverly Hills meeting Kristen and Carole for lunch. Brandi and Kristen are old pals. And apparently, Carole tried to get with David Foster before Yolanda snatched him up. The whole meeting is pretty underwhelming. There is an entertaining story about how Brandi had to stop Kristen from ditching Josh to join get with and then sing back up for a really convincing Elvis impersonator during her bachelorette in Vegas. Carole spends most of the lunch trying to get Kristen to get hip with the "blowies," but Kristen is unmoved.
It's time for Heather's anniversary party! This episode was all about parties Heather was throwing and Aviva trying to ruin them. For some reason, Sonja and Ramona decide to boycott Heather's party because Heather decided not to invite Aviva because she thought it was too soon after their reconciliation. I get it and it was a nice text. Aviva read it out loud. I'm not sure why Ramonja feel the need to martyr themselves for Aviva. I think they were just looking for an excuse to cancel and that was the best one they could come up with.
They also leave their dirty work to Lu who has to tell Heather that the blondes aren't coming. Heather is pretty furious until she gets her bag of caviar then she's super excited and dirty dancing with Jonathan. All's well that end's well?
So, what did you guys think? Are Kristen and Josh headed for splitsville? Is it wrong that Kristen is seeing a therapist behind Josh's back? Will Aviva ever be tolerable? Let me know in the comments.
Sidebar: Carole and Kristen meet up with Jonathan because he is buying her caviar for their anniversary. I always think that people who say the LOVE caviar are lying, because to me it's just like eating a spoonful of salt. It could be possible that I have just had really shitty caviar. That is probably it. Also, Heather promised Jonathan a threeway if they made it 10 years, because nothing says our marriage is built to last than inviting some other woman into your marital bed. Fear not, it's not going to happen.
It's time for Aviva and Heather's meet up. They place some ground rules before it gets going that neither one of them are going to be able to follow: no yelling and no cursing. Heather immediately says "Fuck no" to the no cursing rule, well not literally, but the fuck is implied. Aviva immediate re-iterates to Heather and to viewers why she is terrible. She again busts out the verbally raping bon mot from the last episode, but adds that she took it up the butt metaphorically. She also tries to spin comparing Sonja to Anna Nicole Smith a compliment. Um... yeah, definitely comparing someone to an ex Playboy centerfold who lived her life in a continuous downward spiral until she died is a compliment. I'd hate to hear an insult, Aviva. Speaking of circling the drain, this conversation is doing it. Heather calls Aviva "fucking dramatic" and this causes Aviva to go apoplectic. Heather refuses to apologize and if Aviva is angling for an apology asking Heather if she and Carole are lovers is probably not going to make that happen. Aviva brings up the conversation with Carole at the restaurant that started this thing and tries to illustrate to Heather why what Carole said was so offensive by using a really horrible baby analogy. Is it really offensive to ask someone if they had a "C" section? I'd really like to know, so would some mothers help me out with this in the comments? Eventually, the ladies decide they hate each other still, but now they are more cool with it and Heather will maybe invite Aviva to her anniversary party? And Aviva people like Heather and myself who swear like it's our job would never call someone a "fucking fucker."
We are briefly treated to breakfast with the Singers where Avery continues to act like a little bitch. Whining ever time Ramona shows a little bit of genuine(?) emotion about her leaving. She rubs in the fact that she won't be coming home to visit Ramona by offering to help Mario at the office. This is accompanied by a flashback to young Avery, still a bitch, telling Mario she had no interest in the family business. This seems to punctuate the fact that Avery has always been a bitch and hated her parents. And scene.
It's now time for the much promoted Housewives crossover with Brandi and Yolanda from Beverly Hills meeting Kristen and Carole for lunch. Brandi and Kristen are old pals. And apparently, Carole tried to get with David Foster before Yolanda snatched him up. The whole meeting is pretty underwhelming. There is an entertaining story about how Brandi had to stop Kristen from ditching Josh to join get with and then sing back up for a really convincing Elvis impersonator during her bachelorette in Vegas. Carole spends most of the lunch trying to get Kristen to get hip with the "blowies," but Kristen is unmoved.
It's time for Heather's anniversary party! This episode was all about parties Heather was throwing and Aviva trying to ruin them. For some reason, Sonja and Ramona decide to boycott Heather's party because Heather decided not to invite Aviva because she thought it was too soon after their reconciliation. I get it and it was a nice text. Aviva read it out loud. I'm not sure why Ramonja feel the need to martyr themselves for Aviva. I think they were just looking for an excuse to cancel and that was the best one they could come up with.
They also leave their dirty work to Lu who has to tell Heather that the blondes aren't coming. Heather is pretty furious until she gets her bag of caviar then she's super excited and dirty dancing with Jonathan. All's well that end's well?
So, what did you guys think? Are Kristen and Josh headed for splitsville? Is it wrong that Kristen is seeing a therapist behind Josh's back? Will Aviva ever be tolerable? Let me know in the comments.
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