The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 7: "Fireworks"
Ramona Singer has done some weird shit since this show started, but creating a calendar featuring her and her dog for her college bound daughter is maybe some of the weirdest. Is Ramona that out of it? Is she so self-involved that she really thinks that this is something that Avery wants? Has Ramona ever met her own daughter? Let's put aside the fact that Avery is Satan for a moment. No normal, functioning new adult would want this. How do you make friends at college? You definitely show them the mother/doggy calendar your unhinged mother made for you because she can't let go. That'll get you courted by all the best sororities and clubs. Jesus.
I love Heather. I can understand why people would find her annoying. She shouts "Holla" like it's 1999. She thinks she's street. I just find her really endearing and watching her and Jonathan go to the doctor with Jax and seeing his struggles with his hearing loss. You feel for her. You sympathize with her. You can see her wanting what every parent wants for their child. You see your kid hurting and you want to take that away. These moments are so rare on a show like this. When Heather breaks down on the beach with Carole in the Hamptons, you sort of forget that you are watching a trashy reality television show about overly entitled women who fight over nothing. I cheered a little when the doctor called Heather and Jonathan and told them that Jax was a candidate for the hearing surgery. It was nice.
Those warm and fuzzy feelings were not to last. We all know that for every nice, genuine thing that happens there has to be tenfold of nastiness and with the ladies of the NYC that nastiness has been coming from Aviva. Kristen is still in new Housewife mode where she really wants to be friends with anyone and is trying to stay out of it, so she invites Aviva and her kids to a playdate. So, Kristen makes a misstep in the first part of the get together. There is a rubber toy where you squeeze it and the eyes bug out. Kristen compares this to Ramona, which is funny, but Aviva doesn't think it is very funny. Aviva is more of a sexual assault humor kind of gal.
Kristen dives right in. It's almost as if she is speaking for viewers when she tells Aviva that she is over this whole BookGate thing. Enough. Aviva continues to be the voice of reason. She tells Kristen to not be hostile around the kids and... then tells Kristen to shut the fuck up. The look on Kristen's face after this is priceless. She then tries to play the vicitim with Kristen. She didn't want this drama. It just came to her. She doesn't know why. She also apologizes for saying "fuck," but she says it like three more times. This is around the children. WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!
Kristen must have thought after this, "Hey, I'm on a roll. I might as well confront Ramona while I'm at it." Oh Kristen. There is no confronting Ramona. She is so delusional that she just doesn't get it. So, I know you thought when you headed over to Ramona and Marios for some Hamptons couples tennis that you would just talk to Ramona about skipping Heather's party, she'd see your point and everything would be well, but did you? Really? Did you not watch this show before signing on? Ramona is already on edge because Kristen had the audacity to wear tennis shoes on her court. Ramona is very serious about tennis. Does anyone remember in the first couple of seasons where that was Ramona's storyline? How competitive she was at tennis? As soon as Kristen broaches the subject, Ramona does that thing where she just talks as loudly and as quickly as she can to the point where I'm pretty sure she was just saying nonsense words. The gist is that it's none of Kristen's business and she needs to butt out. Do as I say, right Ramona the Peacemaker?
We continue our tour of the Hampton Homes of the Housewives with a barbecue with the Singers. The hostess with the mostess craziest eyes has a couple of conversations with Kristen and Heather. The convo with Kristen goes about as well as it did at tennis. Ramona waves her arms around like a crazy person spouting non sequiturs and shouting "Holla!" over and over again. She tries to be a little better with Heather. A little. Not much. She tells a half hearted lie about how she wrote out a text, but didn't send it, then she calls Heather a hypocrite and everything is fine?
It's been a minute since we have had an episode of "Sonja is Sad." This episode gives us a little taste of "Sonja Gets Real... Kind of. Not Really." Sonja is being Sonja, telling everyone how unidentified Europeans want her to tour with her caburlesque. We all know Sonja is lying, but Ramona decides now is the time to confront Sonja about her messy life and her ambivalence to do it. She decides to do this by calling Sonja's caburlesque raunchy. Sonja flips out. Ramona chases her across the party. Sonja blathering about how she has better parties with cooler people to attend. Ramona basically gets on her knees and begs Sonja not to leave, after Sonja, rightly, declares that Ramona couldn't handle a day in her life. Sonja grudgingly stays. She's doing these people a favor.
Next stop on our tour, Kristen's clambake! Why a clambake? It was an Elvis film, duh! The ladies conspire to get Carole and Aviva to talk and bury the hatchet. Carole is not ready. She just wants to be done with Aviva, so their face to face goes pretty terribly. Carole wants an apology from Aviva. A validation that Aviva was wrong and was lying. She is never going to get that. Heather comes over to try to facilitate, but Carole won't be dissuaded. Aviva then whips out an advance copy of Carole's book, and Carole flips it even more, which Aviva knew she would. I feel bad that Carole is allowing herself to be goaded by Aviva's "well wishing." There seems to be some sort of "closure" if closure means not bringing this up again until the reunion.
So, what did you guys think? Were you surprised that Ramonja was kind of the outs? Did you laugh as hard as I did when Sonja called LuAnn "LuMan?" Do you hide your shoes at the beach? Let me know in the comments.
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