The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 2: "Meet and Potatoes"
Vicki's son is awful. Sometimes you forget that he is a giant douchebag. Seriously. I am not the biggest fan of the OC OG, but you can't deny that she has given her children everything and there is no reason for her son to be such a giant douchebag. It reminded me of that episode early in the shows run when Vicki surprised him at college and he just was awful. The kid is the devil. It's amazing how Vicki can raise two such different children. Briana is lovely and loves and cares about her mother, but can still call her on her shit. Michael just puts her down and completely ignores the fact that everything he has is because of Vick. His job. The fact that he has never wanted for anything. Ugh. Someone just needs to punch that kid in the nuts.
We join Heather, Tamra and Vicki's dinner in Hawaii already in progress. There is lots of hemming and hawing and Vicki finally fesses up that she is seeing Brooks again. Heather and Tamra are not shocked. Vicki launches in her defense of Brooks and how they are both in counseling and she spews some more self help nonsense. All I can focus on are Heather and Tamra's faces. They are working so hard on not saying what they really think. It's not easy for these ladies to take the high road, but they do here and it's kind of admirable. Vicki is droning on about how she wants Brooks to move in, then Heather brings up Brianna and Vicki shuts down. So, the therapy is really working. When Vicki heads to the ladies, Heather and Tamra take that opportunity to talk about her behind her back. Tamra has basically washed her hands of the whole thing, which is understandable. Everyone knows that Brooks is bad for Vicki, but the more you push her away the more she wants to stay with him. Let her make her mistakes.
All this seriousness was too much for Vicki and Tamra so it's time to whoop it up and see if they can succeed in corrupting Fancy Pants. You can imagine how that goes. Heather hangs out with them for like five minutes, pretends to take a shot and then goes to her room for an early bedtime. Maybe next time.
Let's check in with Shannon and her horrible marriage. She's getting her daughters ready for cotillion class. I'm kind of surprised that they offer that in Orange County. It seems more like a southern thing. David hates it. Shannon hates David. We'll check back in with these crazy kids later.
Tamra loves Halloween so she decides to have a "Spooky Party." What is a "Spooky Party" you ask? I'm a little fuzzy on it if I'm being honest. It seems like it's a costume party minus the costumes, because that would be too much. Vicki is not psyched about having to "like a new bitch." It's weird, since her job is basically meeting new bitches, so if she hates it, maybe go away? Turns out, Vicki had nothing to worry about. She and Shannon hit it off immediately. It could be because Shannon is an emotionally needy, alcoholic or as Vicki calls it "a funbus." Shannon is all about this party. It has a Ouija board and Tarot cards and booze. She loves the booze. I mean, it could have more real food, but there's booze. In no time, Shannon feels so comfortable with the ladies that she is word vomiting all over them in regards to her marriage. Speaking of...
Horrible marriage watch. Shannon is convinced that David takes lemons out of the feng shui lemon bowl to fuck with her. Maybe he just thinks it's stupid. Is that me? Am I projecting? Shannon decides that they need to have a dinner party for the ladies and by God, David will cook the meat. He will cook the meat or Shannon will make him us a cell phone.
Heather, Tamra, and Shannon head to dinner and it's becoming more and more obvious that Heather and Shannon are not going to be bosom buddies. Here's why. Shannon went to a holistic dentist who put jewels in her teeth that was going to cost her $20,000. Then, the dentist consulted his psychic friends and found out that Shannon saved a nation in a past life so he did it for free. Even though as Tamra pointed out this is a whole lot of crazy, I still have lots of questions about what this all entailed. What is a holistic dentist? Did he embed jewels in her teeth? Did she just have to hold a bunch in her mouth? Were these "psychic friends" like psychics the dentist was buddies with or were they spirits? So many questions.
Heather is not feeling this and she makes the mistake of saying "people like you" which Tamra immediately latches onto because she still is having issues with Heather. I get what Heather is saying. Shannon seems very gullible and is the antithesis of practical, level headed Heather. I don't think Shannon was offended and I don't think that Heather meant to offend, I think Tamra is projecting.
This exchange is forgotten when Tamra tells the ladies that she is sick of being a part time mom due to her shared custody with Simon, so she thinks the way to fix that is to have a baby with Eddie. Eddie has no interest in having a baby, but that is besides the point. Heather is pretty honest with Tamra and lets her know that maybe this isn't the best idea. It's tough telling your friends what they don't want to hear and Tamra is not super happy about it. Shannon is like, yeah, have a baby. Do you think that'll save my marriage?
A quick horrible marriage watch before we start the dinner party. David has only bought two bottles of wine and no Champs. Jesus Christ. Get with the program, dude. I'm actually on Shannon's side on this one.
So, the ladies arrive for the dinner party and it basically becomes super awkward super quickly. Shannon and David are not able to keep their rocky marriage under wraps. The couple retires into the kitchen where everyone can hear them fighting about everything from her overcooked potatoes to the knives for the meat to a creme brûlée torch. I mean, everyone can hear you. Come on, guys.
So, the awkward dinner party continues. What did you guys think? Is Shannon complicated because she is green but drives an Escalade or is she just a hypocrite? Did you laugh as loud as hard and as loud as I did when Terry called Coco a bitch? Let me know in the comments.
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