American Idol, Episode 5: "San Antonio/Long Beach"
I've always wondered if the people behind American Idol ever watch any of their competitors. Now, I can't tell you if Nicki, Mariah, Keith, the Dawg, or even Uncle Nigel, have ever watched an episode of The Voice, but after watching Wednesday's episode of American Idol, one thing was breast baringly certain. Mariah Carey's stylist certainly watches NBC's competing reality juggernaut and apparently has been taking notes, specifically notes on how to bare inappropriate amounts of cleavage on what is typically family hour in America. In Long Beach, the Idol judges may have been auditioning contestants on a war ship, so it was fitting that Mimi was manning her own torpedoes, smuggled in an ill fitting turquoise dress. Yes, Mimi was making Xtina's aereola's proud. We'll have to wait to see if the agin diva decides to go full on Xtina in the coming weeks. Wear those mini hats proud, Mariah!! Fan yourself for your life!!
Now, enough about MC's ta-ta's. Let's take a look at the contestants who scored golden tickets during Idol's two hour western adventure.
Vincent Powell, 29, is another returning contestant. He sang a great, somewhat overwraught rendition of "Rock Me Baby" that impressed the judges. I loved how he mocked Randy's ridiculously long drink taking. That is how the Dawg tries to be dramatic. Also, funny how Ryan was pretending he didn't know the melody to "Make It Happen." You aren't fooling anyone, Ry Ry.
Savannah Votion, 24, sang a competent version of "At Last." She sounded good when she belted, but her lower register definitely needs a little work. Her breath control was not great either. I'm also hoping that she dresses differently in Hollywood. Not cute.
Cristabel Clack, 29, is a worship leader and a mom. She sang Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You." I loved Cristabel. The song she sang has been done to death, but Cristabel made me feel like I was hearing it for the very first time. Loved her control, her personality. I've got my fingers crossed for her.
Ann Difani, 23, sang a karaoke version of "Stronger" by Faith Hill. I loved her pretend surprise when Keith made the comment that she sounded like Faith. Ann has what it takes to be the winner of a karaoke competition, but not what it takes to be the next American Idol.
Victoria Acosta, 20, is a mariachi singer and sang "Big Girls Don't Cry"and at it was a mess. She was all over the place. I wasn't sure if she had multiple personalities and each one wanted to take a try. The judges had her sing a little mariachi. It was much better. If Victoria can sing in English like she sings mariachi, she may have a tiny chance.
Hopefully, Nicki is saving a place in her entourage for Pappa Peachez, 19, once he crashes and burns in Hollywood. I'm not sure why she campaigned for him so much. The whole thing was a joke. I loved how he said he didn't like to sing covers. Um... have you seen Idol before PP. That's kind of their thing. Also, can we start enforcing a ban on any skinny white boy who claims to be a "black woman trapped in a white boys body." Ugh. I've already wasted too much time on this guy.
Sanni M'Mairura, 16, sang "Who's Loving You." The song and dance boy was a little too precious for me. He obviously fancies himself a little MJ, Jr. News flash, Sanni. You're not even Jermaine. Maybe Tito. Next.
Adam Sanders, 19, sang "I'd Rather Go Blind" by Etta James. I was as leery as the judges when he said this, but I think we were all pleasantly surprised. In the words of the Dawg, the kid can blow. At times it veered a little close to too much territory, but Adam was adorable, and I got a kick out of Keith's reaction. He was living for it. The standing "O" was well deserved.
Shubha Vedula, 17, deserved a golden ticket for having to listen to Randy try to pronounce her name over and over again and mock her snapping her fingers. Luckily, she sang a pitch perfect rendition of "Something's Got A Hold On Me." She may not be quite ready yet, but she's young and could always come back next year.
Matt Farmer, 26, has lived a hard life. 26? Someone check his driver's license. He sang "A Change Is Going To Come." He was just OK, but his daughter was cute and in the audition room, so he made it through.
Jesaiah Baer, 16, had her audition interrupted when a fire alarm rang throughout the ship. See, that's why you don't hold auditions on a ship. When everything was OK, she sang a phenomenal rendition of "Settle Down" by Kimbra. I was a fan. Loved the song, loved her captain's hat, loved her rendition.
Micha Johnson, 24, suffered damage when he had his tonsils taken out. Now, he speaks with a speech impediment. He sang "Chicken Fried" by the Zac Brown Band. The guy can sing. It was awesome. Agreed with Nicki that he became an entirely different person when he sang. Was a fan of Keith's harmonizing. Not sure why Randy called it a fake out. Did he think that the guy was faking the speech impediment. Ugh. Randy ruins everything.
Rachel Hale, 21, sang "People Get Ready." She was very bubbly. She had a nice voice, but my main problem is that it wasn't very distinctive. It sounded like every female voice you hear on country radio.
Brianna Oakley, 16, was bullied after appearing as one of Maury's most talented kids. Ugh. I hate how they try to manufacture these stories. Who cares? Brianna sang "Up to the Mountain." It was good. Pretty. Nice tone. When her voice matures, she will be really good. She didn't need that bullying story to get a golden ticket. Grr.
I remember 21-year-old Matheus Fernandes when he was a contestant on the first season of The Glee Project, so I wasn't buying his sob story. He sang an OK version of "A Change Is Gonna Come." Not impressed.
So, one more night of auditions and then it's off to Hollywood. I love Hollywood week. Can't wait. Oh yeah, 49 people made it to Hollywood from Long Beach, they didn't say how many made it from San Antonio. Jerks.
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