American Idol, Episode 6: "Oklahoma City"
The above picture pretty much sums up Thursday night's final audition of American Idol. It was their first time in Oklahoma City and based on this episode it will probably be the last. Steven Tyler was the last "audition-er" of the day. Steven Tyler, in drag, going by the name of "Pepper." Grandmother Tyler sauntered in, dressed like the oldest hooker in Reno, and sang a little before the judges figured it out. Apparently, this was his way of passing the torch? He then mooned the judges on the way out, because of course Steven Tyler would never wear panties. Lord. What a mess.
From beginning to end, this entire episode was a steaming pile of crazy. I'm not sure if the judges were just giddy and ready to be done, or if they decided to have a little fun with their power or maybe Uncle Nigel loosened their puppet strings. Who can be sure. The ridiculousness started right off the bat with the first contestant of the day:
Carl Skinner, 26, who started out with a Hammer dancing, boot stomping, shrieking version of "I Feel Good." I loved Nicki and Keith's arm flailing and cackling. They are bosom buddies and I love it. After that, they asked Carl to pick up his gee-tar and play an original song. He was hilarious for sure, but did he deserve to go to Hollywood? Probably not. But who cares? There must be something in the air in Oklahoma. Or there's a gas leak in the building.
Nate Tao, 24, is a sign language interpreter who has two deaf parents. He was also the most normal contestant of the day, which means no one will remember who he is, which is too bad. He had a great tone and was very joyous on his cover of "For Once In My Life." He struggled with his notes and falsetto, but that could have been nerves.
Haley Hilburn, 27, had a puppet dog named Oscar, who "helped" her with her rendition of "I Want to Be a Cowboy's Sweetheart." I was terrified for the judges the entire time. I thought maybe Haley was hiding a shank under her puppet. Stab Randy first!! He is disposable!! She sang another song that I didn't recognize and it was OK, but so bizarre. I can't handle it. I'm hoping that she has an Oscar-less meltdown in Hollywood. I'm sure Uncle Nigel does too.
Zoanette Johnson, 19, needs to be seen to be believed. She burst onto the scene wearing an outfit that she stole from the dumpster behind The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air's old soundstage. Since Obama won, she sang/screamed/made crazy eyes during the National Anthem. The best part of her audition, for me, for you, was when Mimi disdainfully fed her the words. The whole thing was terrible. It was off key, shrill, and entirely entertaining. Keith was so mortified he couldn't even stay in his chair. I'm pretty sure she is mentally imbalanced, so for sure, send her to Hollywood, because that is healthy and safe for the other contestants. Seriously. There are no words. So, here, in all her glory(?) is Zoanette.
Kayden Stephenson, 16, sang "I Wish" and has cystic fibrosis and a life expectancy of 35. He made it through to Hollywood. That's all I have to say about that.
In all 44 other crazies from Oklahoma made it to Hollywood. Hollywood week starts next week. I'm so excited. Are you?
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