The Real Housewives of Atlanta Seventh Season Premiere Recap: I Wasn't The Guy On The Corner Selling Cocaine

The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Episode 1: "Bye Bye and Bon Voyage"

I'm going to need Housewives and their spouses to stop doing illegal things.  It's sucking all the fun out of a show that should just be about overprivileged people doing ridiculous things.  But, if you are going to do illegal things and then choose to film the show to discuss said illegal things, I'm going to need you to at least own up to what you've done and take some responsibility.  Look at the Giudices over on RHONJ.  Even after they have been sentenced to prison time, when someone asks them about what happened, they act befuddled.  They act like they have no idea how this happened to them, even after they have made public statements apologizing for what happened in court.  Do they not realize that the public has access to these things?  That a courtroom is not a black hole where everything that happens in it just fails to exist.

The quote the blog title comes from is something Apollo says in his one on one interviews with the producers.  What bothers me is that Apollo is trying to make excuses for what he's done.  Oh, I didn't rape anyone or I wasn't the guy dealing drugs to the kids on the corner.  So?  You just stole millions of dollars from people, lied to your wife and let your kids down.  No big deal, right, Apollo?  It could be worse.  It got on my nerves that other Housewives and their significant others were trying to make excuses for Apollo.  I think Kandi is right that the judicial system comes down harder on black men a majority of the time, but I don't think that is what is going on in this case.  If the judge came down hard on Apollo, I think it had more to do with his "fame," rather than his race.

Vanderpump Rules Third Season Premiere Recap: I Can't Cry Because These Eyelashes Are Mink

Vanderpump Rules, Episode 1: "Instafight"

Welcome back, "Vanderpump Rules" fans!  The worst servers in America are back to have sex with each other, fight and make you wonder if Lisa Vanderpump regrets agreeing to do this spin-off, seeing as how BRAVO now controls who gets hired and who gets fired at SUR.  The third season premiere had everything we'd come to expect from this show.  Tom Sandoval wearing women's clothes, Kristen being awful, Scheana being annoying and Jax shirtless.  First thing.  Yes, the first shot of season 3 is Jax working out shirtless in really loose fitting sweat pants.  God bless you, Andy Cohen.  I may buy your book.

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Who Wants to Geocache?

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 16: "Go Yell It on the Mountain"

Why, Kristen?  Why did you decide that going to Montana was a good idea?   You obviously hate everything about it, even though you are trying hard to convince yourself that you don't.  This bringing out a bad side of you.  You are being uber competitive with Heather and it just isn't a good look.  There is nothing wrong with not rappelling or admitting that geocaching is stupid.  It's fine.  So, this vacation is a bust.  You will plan other trips.  I just want to hold you, pat your hair, and tell you everything is going to be ok.  Maybe had someone done that this whole episode would have been totally different.  Who knows.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Tequila Makes Shannon Have a Meltdown

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 11: "Making Woo-Hoo-Py"

This episode was as boring as Lizzie.  Seriously.  What is Lizzie's storyline this season?  She wants to be a wife, mother and a businesswoman, but Christian wants her to just pump out babies?  Which she wants to?  Who cares?  It's just not very exciting and whenever Lizzie comes onscreen, my eyes just sort of glaze over.  I can appreciate that Heather is trying to cultivate a relationship with her, but if Lizzie wants to be more than a one season wonder she needs to get her shit together and bring something to the table.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: First Reponsers

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 4: "A Hairy Situation"

This is one of those Housewives episodes that is all about the last ten minutes.  You know that something crazy is going to happen.  You've seen it in the previews.  You know that you are going to have to spend the majority of the episode dealing with the build up.  You just hope that it is worth it. We're not sure how these new ladies are going to handle drama and their very first party.  Amber and the twins, with a little nudge from Melissa, throw down and Bobby's party to "raise awareness for first responders" goes straight to hell.  Seriously, though.  I'm pretty sure that people are aware of first responders and what they do.  It just makes it seem like Bobby doesn't want to do anything for charity and everyone else is cheap.  Which is probably true.

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: #RHONY Goes West

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 15: "Ten Gallon Spats"

When I was watching this episode, I had one question and it isn't the question that you would think.  It wasn't, why is Aviva faking asthma?  Why are they going to Montana in the first place?  Was this really Kristen's idea?  All of these are valid questions that deserve answering, but my main question was, do women really go and get waxed together.  I see that and I'm shocked.  When you go to get a bikini wax,  you are at your most vulnerable.  Do you really want to be that exposed in front of another person, no matter how close a friend you are?  And really, I guess I could understand it if it was someone you knew for years, but Carole and Heather barely know each other.  Wasn't there a better way for them to casually bring up Kristen's planned trip to Montana?  I guess not.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Somebody Told Me...

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 10: "Skunk in the Barnyard"

You may think that Shannon Beador has gone through all the rites of passage that freshmen Housewives face.  Feud with a fellow Housewife after you thought they'd be best of friends?  Check. Marriage crumbling before our eyes?  Check.  But for an Orange County Housewife you aren't officially a part of the crew until you confide in Tamra and she blabs to anyone who will listen.  And I get that this is all on camera and eventually everyone is going to find out something if you choose to share it with someone on camera, but that doesn't give Tamra the OK to share something so deeply personal with anyone.  So, I know it's been 10 episodes, but officially welcome to the Housewives Shannon.  Hope you (and your marriage) survive the experience.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Garbage Business

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 3: "Trash Talking"

Joe Gorga is trying to kill his wife.  How else to explain the fact that he would go behind Melissa's back and buy into some futuristic garbage truck thing.  The amount of the money that he has invested in this truck thing is not known to Melissa, but it's definitely going to impact the building of their new house. Sorry Melissa.  It looks like you'll be in your "small" rental for a while longer.  Seriously, though.  Melissa loves money.  We all know this.  I'm not sure what this truck thing does for sure.  It's not a traditional garbage truck.  Apparently, it's some sort of high tech shred truck.  They get government contracts and take these documents and rather than shred them, they incinerate them down to ash. Joe seems confident about the money making prospects of this, but I'm not completely sold.  Let's all take a minute to reflect that now that her feud with Teresa is resolved, her biggest storyline revolves around trash.  Fitting.  Thank goodness for Amber and her big mouth.  More on that in a bit.

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Lies My Facialist Told Me

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 14: "Sex, Lies and Facials"

This episode finally answered the age old question that all NYC Housewives fans have been asking for two years.  Whatever happened to season(s) 2-4 cast member Kelly Killoren Bensimon.  It turns out that she is basically the same person.  She is still kind of a nut ball.  I guess she is still friend with Lu since Lu invited her to be a special guest model at her charity fashion show.  Carole seemed to enjoy Kelly, but that isn't a huge surprise.  Carole is sort of this cultural anthropologist and I think she really digs talking to Kelly, who used to be a part of this experience and now isn't, but is sort of a sister, in a weird way.  Maybe I'm being too deep about the whole thing.  Ramona just looks annoyed and steers clear of her former cast mate.  Maybe she is having flashbacks to scary island.  I kind of am.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Our Next Guest...

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 9: "Not a Good Day L.A."

You guys, we need to talk about Lizzie.  Seriously.  Sometimes I forget that she is even a part of the show. What did she do this episode?  Judge some random beauty pageant?  Talks about how she wants to have a another baby, but doesn't want to give up her career?  I'm asking because I took notes and I still don't remember.  Compelling stuff!  To be fair, I like Lizzie.  She's fun, she's pretty, she's smart.  Her husband has edged out Mauricio and Eddie for hottest Housewife spouse, but if she doesn't do something to make herself stand out and fast, she'll be a one season wonder.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: The Password Is Crotch

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 2: "O, Christmas Tre"

Who wants to be a member of the Marchese family?  Seriously.  Their kids are going to grow up to be seriously messed up.  It's Christmas time in Jersey, but it's not all fun and games.  Disasters happen and the Marchese's want their kids to be ready for anything.  And what better way to prepare them then with the fire drill that launched a thousand future therapy sessions.  How else to explain all this craziness?  A collapsible ladder out the window, Jim demonstrating how "safe" it is.  To be fair, when Jim was dangling out the window there was a look that flashed over Amber's face that said, maybe we are taking this too far. Amber did say she used to hate kids and I'm thinking maybe she still does.  Maybe  that helps explain why she didn't stop the craziness, like when she was blowing the air horn and telling the little ones that they have killed the dog and now mommy and daddy have burned to a crisp.  Merry Christmas, Marchese children.  There won't be sugar plums dancing in your head on Christmas Eve, instead it will be the charred corpses of your parents dancing while you cry.

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Off to the Races

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 13: "Win, Place or Sonja"

Shortly after this episode aired, I really railed against George.  He's an old pervert who gets away with his ridiculous behavior because of his age.  I mean, I detest Ramona most of the time, but does she deserve to be talked to that way?  Does she deserve to have someone say that if she died he would go to her funeral and fondle her corpse?  And why isn't Aviva doing anything about this?  If Aviva wants to be buddy buddy with Ramona, why is she allowing her father to treat her "friends" this way?  We'll get into that more later.  

When I was on a Housewives fansite (don't judge me!) railing against George's uncouth behavior, a commenter brought up Sad Sonja, who was especially sad this episode, again, more on that later.  Sonja has dated a 23 year old this season and we have seen her hit on multiple barely legal boys, but no one seems to be batting an eyelash.  People laugh it off.  Sonja's crazy.  It's who she is.  Granted, she's not flashing her vagina or rubbing it against people's legs, but she should be absolved.  Is she just as much of a perv as George, but she gets a pass?

Personally, I think Sonja is not as bad as George.  She is ridiculous, but relatively harmless.  George is touching women with his hands and other... things.  Not cool.  And there is no excuse.  Just because he is over 80 doesn't mean that he should be exempt from common decency.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: With Friends Like These...

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 8: "Not So Silent Night'

Viewer's don't seem to care for Tamra Judge.  I have been a fan.  She definitely stirs the pot and causes drama and is ridiculous, but isn't that what people want in a Housewife?  Isn't it boring if you just sit there and do nothing?  (Hello, Lizzie!  I didn't see you there.)  This season though, Tamra is getting on my nerves.  You'd think, when a friend does something nice for you, like invite you on the show they are guest hosting to promote your business, wouldn't you be grateful?  Not Tamra.  When Vicki Gunvalson becomes the voice of reason in a situation, then  you know there is a problem.  So let's take a look at what all went down at Shannon's not so happy holiday party.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Sixth Season Premiere Recap: Too Real

The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Episode 1: "What a Difference a Plea Makes"

There isn't a lot of reality in reality television.  It's manufactured.  "The Real Housewives" is no exception.  These women may become friends, but normally their connections to each other are tenuous at best.  Part of the allure of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" is the fact that these women have known each other for years and some of them are family.  It lends an authenticity to the show that the other installments of the franchise lack.

Reality has certainly encroached on this season.  Towards the end of last season, it was revealed that Teresa and Joe Giudice were facing federal indictments on multiple fraud charges stemming from falsifying tax documents and bankruptcy fraud.  There's no way that you can film this season and not touch on these issues and how they are affecting the Giudice family, especially since both Teresa and Joe are facing prison time and Joe could be deported.

The episode opens in February with news of the Giudices plea deal and Melissa and Joey G. watching it on television.  Melissa is doing her faux concern thing.  She seems even more concerned with looking good for the cameras.  She calls Teresa to see how she's doing and Teresa does her "don't believe anything you see or read because it's all lies" thing.  According to Tre, they haven't even accepted their plea deal yet.  Once Teresa and Melissa are off the phone, things really start to get real.

Anyone who has read my recaps of last season knows that I am not a huge fan of Gia Giudice.  She comes off as a spoiled brat.  Milania does too, but because of Milania's age, she is able to get away with it.  Watching Gia break down over the possibility of losing both her parents and letting Teresa know that she is able to understand and comprehend what her parents are going through melted my cynical Gia hating heart.  No matter your opinion of the Giudices (and mine isn't high), you have to feel for their children.  Teresa and Joe made their choices and now will have to deal with the consequences, but the girls did nothing.

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Return of the Perv

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 12: "Requiem For a Poodle"

So far this season, we have sporadically been introduced to the show within a show, "Sonja is Sad," but this episode was basically a backdoor pilot for that show.  So Bravo viewers, is this a show you'd watch on a regular basis.  Sonja planning a doggy funeral, veering wildly between emotions.  First, she's crying and then she's making jokes.  I sort of remember Millou.  I get that the death of a dog is hard on people.  It's probably harder on Sonja, since she has some emotional issues.  It was nice to see the ladies get dressed up in their funeral bests and support their fragile friend.

Summer TV Preview: The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Producers Are Hoping That Fresh Faces and a Blast From the Past Will Reinvigorate Season 6

Last season of RHONJ was boring.  That is not an adjective that you would normally associate with this particular installment of the hit Bravo franchise.  Since "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" launched in 2009, fans have come to expect craziness at every turn.  We've seen table flips, weaves pulled out, brawls at christenings and some the nuttiest Jersey family drama this side of "The Sopranos," but during season five, it just seemed that we were seeing a lot of the same old, same old. There was the re-heated Gorga/Giudice family drama.  Even a brawl between the two Joes wasn't enough to liven things up much.  Also, last season, producers were accused of manipulating things more than they usually are.  The season finale was especially guilty of that.  The scenes filmed at the opening of Posche II were edited so it showed confrontations between cast members that weren't happening, a majority of it was blacked out because troublemakers Penny and her husband Jonny the Greek wouldn't give Bravo permission to show it.  Even the reunion was a snooze.  

Producers knew there was an issue and it seems they've taken steps to try to liven things up this season.  Out are Caroline Manzo and Jacqueline Laurita.  Never fear Manzo fans, the Manzo family and Jacqueline will be returning in the fall with their very own spin-off, "Manzo'd with Children."  Kathy Wakile has been demoted from full-time cast member to "Friend of the Housewives," and I'm pretty sure the only reason she wasn't given the boot entirely is because of fan favorite, Rosie.  

Replacing the departing ladies are Amber Marchese and twins, that's right twins, Teresa Aprea and Nicole Napolitano.  Amber is an old friend of Melissa's.  She was in Melissa's wedding, but they seem to have fallen out of touch, since Melissa had no clue that Amber battled breast cancer.  Her husband is also working with the team that is prosecuting the Giudices.  The twins seem like they will be out of control.  Nicole is divorced and Teresa is married to a guy she already divorced once.  I have no idea how I am going to tell these two apart and having two women named Teresa on the same show.  Oy.  Recapping is going to be a struggle.

Dina Manzo is back!  Now that her sister Caroline is out of the picture, Dina has returned to the show that gave her her start.  You may recall that Dina was an original cast member, but she left the show due to trainwreck, Danielle Staub.  I like Dina.  I always thought she was funny and engaging.  I think her friendship with Teresa helps make me like Teresa more.  It will also be nice for someone to have Teresa's back.  

We can't forget about our returning ladies.  Sisters-in-law, Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga, are back and are not fighting.  Let's hope it stays that way.  I'd rather see Teresa and Melissa fight with these new girls, not each other.  I don't want to talk too much about the Giudice's legal troubles.  We all know it's going on and it will be interesting to hopefully see some unguarded moments where they confront the reality of what could happen if Joe is deported.  

All in all, I think we are in for an exciting season that will hopefully wash the bad taste that last season left out of our collective mouths.  We'll find out when the sixth season of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" premieres tonight at 8/7c on Bravo.  You can also read recaps of each episode right here on my blog.  Hit play below for a preview of the season.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Rich White Ladies Fightin'

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 7: "Choke-Lahoma"

Shannon Beador joining the cast this season has kind of been a gift for producers.  They have finally found someone that really gets under Heather Dubrow's skin.  Heather is normally unflappable, but you can tell there is something about Shannon that really irritates Heather and she has a hard time keeping her cool.  Shannon and Heather should be the best of friends.  They are in the same category financially, they are neighbors, they're lifestyles seem similar.  I mean, look how Bravo kept cutting back and forth between the Dubrows and the Beadors taking their annual Christmas photos, but beyond those minor and inconsequential similarities, Heather and Shannon are just intrinsically different at the personality level.  Shannon is a fancy pants.  She is well spoken and proper grammar is important to her.  She can go out and not get blotto and still have a fine time.  Shannon likes to drink, has a tumltuous relationship with her parents and is like Vicki, if Vicki had been born with money.  They are diametrically opposed to each other and I can't envision any scenario where they would ever be friends.

The 2014 Emmy Nominations Are a Joke.

It's Snubs Galore and Lots of Same Old, Same Old

I have a love/hate relationship with the Emmys.  I am a huge TV nerd.  If you just randomly peruse my blog, you may think that I only watch TV with Housewives in the title, but that's not true.  I love television and I think we are in a golden age where there is quality television wherever you choose to watch from network to basic cable to pay cable to subscription services to the internet.  It's unfortnuate that the Emmys seem to have such a narrow view of what is award worthy.  Just because a show had a breakout first season or stars a former movie star doesn't mean it is deserving of multiple Emmys or multiple Emmy nominations.  It's almost like I (and other TV fans and critics) are gluttons for punishment.  Every year this happens.  Every year we rage.  Every year we say we won't watch, but we do.  Then, the following year rolls around and no matter how we've been hurt in the past, we are hopeful, only to have those hopes dashed again.  After the jump, I'll take a look at the major categories and we'll swap some of the more undeserving nominees with someone who was criminally snubbed.  It'll be fun.

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Ramonavention

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 11: "The Ramona Trap"

Bravo is holding out on us.  When we left the ladies in the Berkshires, they were having dinner and high fiving as they planned their revenge against Ramona.  The next morning, the ladies stumbling around Heather's kitchen paints a picture of a night of debauchery, that we missed!  What the hell, Bravo?  I want to know what led to Sonja's disheveled appearance, losing earrings down her nightgown.  Lu looking hella rough.  No makeup is not a good look for the Countess, especially if she is trying to shake that "LuMan" nickname.  Then, Patrick, the yoga guy, shows up and none of the women even pretend to do any of the poses.  Carole is annoyed because while she doesn't really want to do yoga, she does enjoy the peace and quiet that comes with it.  It's hard to be zen when Sonja's gas is wilting the grass.  I'm just hoping that when they air the unseen footage episode after the reunion that these scenes are included.  I have to know what happened.  Did the women stumble across a wooden rave, did they eat weird mushrooms.  Inquiring minds, Andy Cohen!

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Hoes Down

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 6: "Showdown at the Hoedown"

For this recap, I think it's best that we start at the end before circling back to the beginning.  I'm sure there are tons of people who watched this episode and thought that Heather turned the bull up and that is the reason that Tamra got thrown off and hurt her arm.  I have watched the sequence multiple times and I'm not entirely convinced that is what happened.  We all know that the producers are perfectly capable of editing things to make it look a certain way, just look at the Jersey finale last year.  They edited the shit out of that.  They were showing people talking to people they weren't talking to, and it looks like they did that here.  You hear Heather saying "Turn it up" and then there is a shot of her with the mechanical bull operator.  Except, it doesn't look like Heather's lips are moving when she is there or if they are, they don't look like they are saying that.  I can't imagine that a trained... they have to be trained, right... yes...  no... maybe... bull operator would just let someone turn it up to a dangerous level no matter how much they were being paid.  The whole thing just seems like the producers were trying to ratchet up the drama and the only way they could do that was with some creative editing.  If  you'd like to hear Heather's side of the story, you can find it here.

Let's be real.  This was sort of a placeholder episode.  It seemed to be setting up more interesting things to come.  There is the escalation of the Shannon/Heather conflict, Vicki agreeing to go to Oklahoma with Brianna and Ryan, more tension in Shannon and David's marriage etc.  These things will pay off in other episodes, but just like a scripted television show, you have to sometimes slog through the boring in order to get to the interesting.

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Sorry Not Sorry

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 10: "Bon Voyage Ramona"

Ramona Singer is an evil genius.  How else to explain it?  Does she really expect us to believe that her flight from the Berkshires was based simply on the bad memories she experienced as a child.  The abuse that happened to her and her mother in a cabin in the woods causing her to freak out and flee via... chartered plane.  I'm not convinced and neither are the remaining women.  Let's take a look at the evidence.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: You Can't Sit With Us!

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 5: "I Couldn't Chair Less"

It's come to this ladies and gentlemen.  They've officially ran out of things to fight about.  They've resorted to bickering about chairs and seating arrangements at an impromptu get together.  It's like we're watching a middle aged Mean Girls with Heather, Shannon, and Vicki alternating in the role of Gretchen Weiner.  It's so idiotic and it's just another shot in the battle between Shannon and Heather.

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Bloodshed in the Berkshires

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 9: "The Last Splash"

Listen guys.  When I realized that Aviva was missing from the opening of this episode, I was pretty ecstatic.  I was jumping for joy, which is ironic since I'm not sure she can do that.  I was hoping that she was gone.  Banished mid-way through filming for unkown reasons, destined to pop back in the season finale to toss her leg at someone and then hobble away to cling to Fran Drescher and hope that whatever fame that shrew has would somehow rub off on her.  Alas, it was not to be.  It turns out that Aviva had to go visit her son at camp for parents day, so she skipped out on the trip to the Berkshires, and therefore her image was banished from the opening.  This is very interesting.  Wasn't Ramona absent in Africa at the beginning of the season?  She was and yet, it was still Turtle Time.  Hmmm...  I know what you're thinking, with Aviva gone, this Berkshires trip is going to super lame and uneventful and drama free... oh hey Ramona.  Both your eyes are rolling around in opposite directions and I see you're warming up your throwing arm...

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Blow Dry Blow Out

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 8: "Unforgivable Debt"

With friends like Ramona Singer, who needs enemies?  For the past three seasons, Ramona and Sonja have been like peas and carrots.  They were basically the same person.  It seems like things might be changing a little bit.  There is friction between the ever tipsy BFF's, ever since Ramona's party in the Hamptons.  Ramona spills all Sonja's secrets to the other ladies.  At the Hamptons Designer Show House (yes, that is a thing), Ramona lets Carole and LuAnn know all about Sonja's financial troubles.    She tells them not to say anything, because these ladies never gossip.  Ever.  It's a mess and we may be witnessing the dissolution of the one longest and strongest Housewives friendship.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Frick My Life

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 4: "Pretty Ugly"

Is Orange County in a different universe than the one that I live in?  Has the ugly sweater party just recently migrated to California?  Because in Iowa, there have been ugly sweater parties for years.  It was hilarious to hear Tamra and Vicki and Eddie try to wrap their minds around people wearing things that are ugly on purpose.  These chicks suck the fun out of everything because they are so vain.    It's crazy that they will get sloppy drunk and make fools our of themselves and they don't bat an eye, but wear a sweater from Dillard's to a party and it's too much.  Oy.

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: All That Glitters...

RuPaul's Drag Race, Episode 11: "Glitter Ball"

It wouldn't be a season of reality television if there wasn't a big shock and this episode contained two.  We had the shocking elimination of early front runner, BenDeLaCreme, and Adore overcoming her lack of sewing skillz to win the biggest sewing challenge of the season.  I'm super late on these recaps, but the sting of DeLa's elimination still smarts. 

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: RIP #BookGate?

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 7: "Fireworks"

Ramona Singer has done some weird shit since this show started, but creating a calendar featuring her and her dog for her college bound daughter is maybe some of the weirdest.  Is Ramona that out of it? Is she so self-involved that she really thinks that this is something that Avery wants?  Has Ramona ever met her own daughter?  Let's put aside the fact that Avery is Satan for a moment.  No normal, functioning new adult would want this.  How do you make friends at college?  You definitely show them the mother/doggy calendar your unhinged mother made for you because she can't let go.  That'll get you courted by all the best sororities and clubs.  Jesus.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Thanksgiving For My Real Friends, Fakes-giving For My Fake Friends

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 3: "Fakes-giving, Fake Friends"

Well if we learned one thing this episode, it is that you never leave Vicki alone with a baby ever.  I'm not saying that Vicki is a bad grandma, but she is definitely a bad babysitter.  Baby Troy was basically left to his own devices while grandma got ready for "Fakes-giving."  What's Troy doing?  Oh he's just playing with cleaning supplies.  What's he up to now?  I think he went outside.  I mean, that's fine.  How about now?  Oh he's just dumping out everything in the pantry.  The little scamp!  Brianna can't get to Oklahoma soon enough.

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: Here Comes the Bride?

RuPaul's Drag Race, Episode 10: "Drag My Wedding"

These episodes are some of my favorites.  When the queens put men in drag.  They aren't your typical drag queens.  They are normally big, burly, hairy men, sometimes straight, and it is great to watch the queens interact with and a lot of the times become friends.  It's interesting.  They only spend a couple of days together, but the connections is normally really genuine and it's awesome.  This seasons was no different.  The queens initally think that they are going to be making over brides for their wedding, but surprise, they are turning the grooms into blushing brides and then RuPaul is going to marry them on the main stage.  Let's look at each queen and the transformation from best to worst.

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Housewives From Another City

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 6: "Unhappy Anniversary"

Ramona Singer is an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in another enigma.  She's back from Africa and refreshed, filled with peace.  She hears about the drama between Heather and Aviva and has decided to take on a role unknown to her up to this point: the peacemaker.  Can Ramona bring these ladies together?  Can she mend this fractured group?  Should we start calling her Ramona Gandhi?  Not so fast.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Saved a Nation in a Past Life

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 2: "Meet and Potatoes"

Vicki's son is awful.  Sometimes you forget that he is a giant douchebag.  Seriously.  I am not the biggest fan of the OC OG, but you can't deny that she has given her children everything and there is no reason for her son to be such a giant douchebag.  It reminded me of that episode early in the shows run when Vicki surprised him at college and he just was awful.  The kid is the devil.  It's amazing how Vicki can raise two such different children.  Briana is lovely and loves and cares about her mother, but can still call her on her shit.  Michael just puts her down and completely ignores the fact that everything he has is because of Vick.  His job.  The fact that he has never wanted for anything.  Ugh.  Someone just needs to punch that kid in the nuts.  

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: Talk That Talk

RuPaul's Drag Race, Episode 9: "Drag Queens of Talk"

Gays love Cher.  I know that is a stereotype.  I'm not a big fan of stereotypes, but some are true.  I love Cher.  I'm not even sure how it happened.  It's no surprise that on this episode, where the queens got the chance to interview Cher's mom, Georgia Holt, and her son, Chaz Bono, they freaked out a little bit.  Courtney declared that she was one degree of separation away from Cher!  It didn't work out so well for everyone.  There was name forgetting and abortion talk, which didn't go over the best with Cher's fam. 

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Verbal Rape Whistle

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 5: "Everybody Thinks We're Drag Queens"

This episode we got more information about what happened when Aviva lost her leg.  This may sound callous, but I'm kind of over it.  Yes, it's terrible and yes, it's great that she does things for other amputees, but I always get the feeling that her motives are not altogether altruistic.  It seems like she's not doing it for others, she's doing it to make herself look good.  In fact, after the whole BookGate thing, this episode really seemed geared towards viewers having more goodwill towards Aviva.  Well, it didn't really work for this viewer.

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: How Do You Solve a Problem Like Laganja Estranja?

RuPaul's Drag Race: Episode 7: "Glamazon by Colorevolution

&

Episode 8: "Drag Queens of Comedy"

These two episodes made a nice two-hour block of drag queen fun and also acted as the end of Laganja Estranja's arc on the show.  Oh Laganja.  When the season I started and she won the first challenge I saw lots of potential in Laganja.  I really thought she had the chops to make it to the top four.  I definitely saw her outlasting Trinity, Joslyn and Darienne.  Unfortunately, Laganja crumbled under the pressure.  I think she thought that she would just breeze in and this wouldn't be a challenge at all.  I get the feeling that she's had lots of things handed to her and she doesn't know how to deal with not excelling.  It also really rankled her to see her "friend" Adore doing better than her, even though she clearly thinks that she is better than Adore.  So, she retreated into her grating, annoying drag persona never to return.

The Real Housewives of Orange County Ninth Season Premiere Recap: Knee Deep

The Real Housewives of Orange County, Episode 1: "Hawaii Five Uh Oh"

The First Ladies of Bravo have returned with the ninth(!) season premiere.  Holy crap.  Who would've thought that this show would have lasted nine years, over 100 episodes, countless women and six spin off cities and it shows no signs of stopping.  The cast has gone through a bit of a shake up.  That's how things stay fresh.  Bye Alexis, Gretchen and Lydia.  You'll go where other faded reality TV stars go, to couples counseling shows on VH1.  I think we can all agree that we'll see Gretchen and Slade on one at some point.  When old Housewives are put out to pasture leave for greener pastures, new Housewives step into fill that void and this season is no different.  Two new ladies will join Heather, Vicki, and Tamra in the form of Shannon Beador and Lizzie Rovsek.  We only met Shannon tonight, and she is... something.  Let's take a peek behind the orange curtain and check in with the busty blondes (and brunettes) of the OC.

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: What Does an Image Consultant Do?

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 4: "Holla in the Hamptons"

LuAnn is back!  LuAnn we... missed you?  Noticed you were gone?  Were impressed by the amount of personal growth you've been through since last season?  Are one of those true?  You decide.  No matter how you feel, LuAnn is back, not as a full time cast mate, but a Friend of the Housewives.  LuAnn claims that she decided to take some time off by choice.  Translation: She held out for more money, was denied, backed off and since filming had already begun, she was demoted.  Nice try, Lu.  

Speaking of Friends of the Housewives, every season on every Housewives franchise, there is a woman who is not a member of the cast, who decides that she really wants her fifteen minutes of fame.  There are the Kims in New Jersey, Marlo in Atlanta, Faye Resnick in Beverly Hills, just to name a few, and this season in New York we have Aviva's "image consultant," Amanda Sanders.  Oh Amanda.  First off, what is your job exactly?  Is it to make Aviva more likeable?  If it is, she needs to be fired immediately.  If that is what an image consultant does, then she needs to find a new job, because Amanda is one of the most immediately unlikable people I've ever come across on a Housewives franchise and that is saying something.  She seems to have targeted Sonja, because she spends the majority of the episode belittling her and trying to steal her man, before she sets her sights on Heather.

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: '90's Rap Battle

Rupaul's Drag Race, Episode 6: "Oh No She Betta Don't"

It was a good old fashioned rap battle as the remaining queens split into teams to rap on Ru's newest track, "Oh No She Betta Don't."  First though, the library was open and the reading challenge further differentiated the strong queens from the not so strong queens and there were a few new rivalries that sort of seemed to spring up out of nowhere.  

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: Word on the Street

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 3: "Model Behavior"

I have never felt more for a Real Housewife than I did for Kristen during that stupid mud run thing.  I am definitely not the kind of person who would ever do that unless I had lots of help from my friends and to watch Kristen be left in the dust by her husband and Heather sucked.  I would be really pissed and then to have them both totally shut her down just made me really angry.  I would have flipped my shit.  They coerced Kristen into doing this under false pretenses and then totally abandoned her.  What fucktards.  I was not happy.  I am on your side, Kristen!  You should have pushed them down into the mud and scraped their faces with the barbed wire.  Ugh.  Ok, now that that is out of my system we can take a look at the rest of the episode.

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: "The Tightest Snatch… Game in History."

RuPaul's Drag Race, Episode 5: "Snatch Game"

It's time for the Snatch Game, y'all!!!  This is every Drag Race fan's favorite challenge.  In season two, RuPaul gave us the game show with drag queens impersonating celebrities that we didn't even know we wanted.  We did want it though.  We wanted it real bad.  Over the past five seasons, we have seen the queens give some stellar performances, but I think that Ru was right when she deemed this years, the tightest Snatch Game in herstory.

Get Over It… The Series Finale of How I Met Your Mother

People Hated the Finale of How I Met Your Mother.  Those People are Wrong.

Beloved sitcom, How I Met Your Mother, ended it's legen-- wait for it-- dary, nine year run Monday night with a series finale that was… divisive, and that's putting it mildly.  As soon as the show ended, people fucking lost their shit, you guys.  Seriously, it was like series creators, Craig Thomas and Carter Bays, decided to air 45 minutes of people mercilessly slaughtering puppies.  It was ridiculous.  So much hate and vitriol spewed by people.  So many cries of how this finale ruined the show for people who I assume, loved it before.  I don't get it.  I think this finale was almost perfect and really encapsulated the spirit of the show and why it worked so well for so many years.  Read on as I explain to you why you are wrong about how awful the series finale of HIMYM was.

The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: When Is a Memoir an E-Mail or an Essay?

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 2: "Give Up the Ghostwriter"

Carole hit the nail on the head at the end of this episode when she made the comment that "The woman (Aviva) is literally deranged."  I don't make a habit of calling women crazy.  I think it's a low blow and a way to really make a logical woman fly off the handle.  In this case, though, I think Aviva might be nuts.  More likely, she is embracing the role of villain and she has decided to make Carole, someone she fawned over and idolized all last season, her arch nemesis.  I've watched it twice and I'm still not sure what is going on.  Let's dive deep into #BookGate.

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: Drag Queen Idols

RuPaul's Drag Race, Episode 4: "Shade: The Rusical"

As soon as it was revealed that two of this season's contestants had appeared on some version of Idol, you just knew that thre was going to be some sort of singing challenge that pitted them against each other.  I just had no idea that it was going to be this soon.  Ru had the ladies  split up in groups and perform the world premiere of "Shade: The Rusical," written by her frequent collaborator, Lucian Piane.  So, who emerged triumphant?  Let's take a look.

The Real Housewives of New York City Sixth Season Premiere: Back in the City

The Real Housewives of New York City, Episode 1: "If You Can Make It Here"

It's been almost two years, but Tuesday night marked the triumphant return on the ladies of the Big Apple.  If you read this blog, you know that I am an avid viewer of the various Real Housewives franchises and I have to say the NYC ladies are my favorites.  They don't take themselves too seriously and they are funny.  I was worried when I heard about their salary disputes with Bravo and I was worried that for the second time in two seasons there might be another dramatic cast overhaul.  Luckily, the ladies got their shit together and we are finally getting to enjoy their craziness.  Speaking of craziness, can we talk about those new taglines.  They are everything!  All the franchises should just embrace the ridiculata like the NYC wives have done.  Now, let's check in with each of the ladies and their fabulous new tag lines.

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: Choosing Sides

RuPaul's Drag Race, Episode 3: "Scream Queens"

You can count on certain things with reality shows.  American Idol is going to have theme weeks.  Project Runway has unconventional challenges.  There is going to be an auction on Survivor.  RuPaul's Drag Race is not different and this week they trotted out one of their tried and true challenges: a movie parody.  This year the dolls divided up into two teams to shoot movie trailers for a horror film called Drag Race Me to Hell, one set in the 1960's and one set in the 1980's.  The lines are still pretty clearly drawn between the two groups of queens.  They aren't fans of each other and they are sticking pretty closely with their original groups.  This challenge showed that one set is clearly superior to the other and there was some surprising choices made by Ru and the other judges.  Let's take a look at how everything shook out.

Catching Up with… The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Everybody Hates Lisa

The fourth season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills came to a close last night.  It was quite the ending with queen bee Lisa Vanderpump at odds with all the ladies except for newbies Joyce and Carlton.  The whole thing seems ridiculous and a tad staged to me.  I mean, not a big surprise that something on a reality show would be staged, but this whole vendetta seems like the the original ladies conspired to bring down Lisa because they are jealous.  So, what led up to and what went down when the ladies gathered together to celebrate the 100th anniversary party for the city of Beverly Hills.

RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: Is This America's Next Top Model?

RuPaul's Drag Race, Episode 2: "RuPaul's Big Opening, Part 2"

RuPaul continued his two part premiere Monday night by introducing us to the other seven queens that will be vying for the title of "America's Next Drag Superstar."  This was more like it!  I felt that the first part of the premiere was a little lackluster.  The queens didn't impress much and it was a little bit of a letdown.  These new queens were head and shoulders above the first six.  Seriously.  Bring over Ben DeLaCreme and the other bitches can get to steppin'.  There were quite a few contenders for the crown and only a couple of out and out and duds.  So, just like we did last week, let's rank the queens from least to most likely to win it all.  

RuPaul's Drag Race Sixth Season Premiere: 7 Queens Enter, 7 More Enter Later...

RuPaul's Drag Race, Episode 1: "RuPaul's Big Opening"

RuPaul's Drag Race launched it's sixth(!) season premiere on Monday night and Ru went a different route.  Instead of introducing us to all 14 queens competing for the title of America's Next Drag Superstar all at once, she divided the group in half, so no queen got lost in the shuffle.  This is a good idea.  RDR has become something of a cultural phenomenon and it makes sense to spread the premiere love a little.  My issue was that the first seven queens they showcased were boring, annoying or both.  Only a couple showed the uniqueness, charisma, nerve and talent needed to snatch the crown from season five winner Jinkx Monsoon.  It was an interesting challenge with the queens tasked with serving face while flying through the air for their first photo mini challenge and then serving up some reality TV realness on the Main Stage.  It was kind of funny to see one of the categories being Duck Dynasty after their anti gay brouhaha a few months ago.  As Ru pointed out in an interview, they certainly don't agree with the Robertson's views, but it was much too late to do any sort of edits.

Now, I know it's ridiculously early, but let's judge!  After the jump, I've ranked these first seven queens from least to most likely to win it all.

Best Albums of 2013: 10-1

The Best Albums of 2013: Nos. 10-1

So, I went through the first ten albums that I couldn't stop listening to in 2013 and now it's time for the top 10.  It was really difficult to put these ten albums in order, because to be fair, you could make an argument for any of them as number one.  So, after the jump, you can check out the rest of my list.

Commercial Outrage

What the Fuck People?

So, last night was the Super Bowl.  Great job to both teams.  Go Seahawks.  Sorry Petyon.  Whatever.  What we all want to see during the Super Bowl is the commercials.  There are hits and misses, but mainly people are pretty chill.  Holy shit not this year.  This year, people are acting like Coca-Cola put a commercial on that featured people of color setting the American flag on fire.  I'm talking about the commercial that featured people of many different nationalities singing "America the Beautful" in their native tongue.  It aso featured a gay couple with their child, which I've heard was a first.  If you haven't yet seen the commercial that outraged so many, you can watch it below:

You would think that normal people would watch this and think, "This is sweet."  Then you remember that the Tea Party is still a thing and realize that this is going to piss people off.  I was watching the Super Bowl with some friends and when it aired my friend and I looked at each other and he said to me, "I wonder when the outrage is going to start."  Since we live in a social media world where people are able to voice their opinions with the speed of an internet connection, the answer to that question was about 3.2 seconds.  People took to Facebook and Twitter to spew their hateful epithets and just be all around horrible.  

I know there are going to be people who were offended who take issue with me labeling them a bigot or a racist, but you are.  You absolutely are.  If you posted something on Facebook or Twitter in regards to how much this offended you, and you started off that comment by saying, "I'm not a racist, but…" let me let you in on a little secret.  That means YOU ARE A RACIST.  If you are trying to convince someone of something, starting out by saying "I'm not              , but" no one believes you.  You are definitely a racist or a homophobe or a misogynist, or whatever you are trying to convince yoursel and other perople you are not.  It's a fact.  

Here are a few other things that the racists don't seem to realize.  First of all, the song that they are singing in the commercial is "America the Beautiful."  It's not "God Bless America."  It's not "The Star Spangled Banner."  If you can't recognize the song and aren't for sure what the National Anthem is, do you really have the right to criticize?  Seriously.  If you LOVE America that much, shouldn't you have a basic knowledge of what the National Anthem is?  I mean, it's not like it isn't played before EVERYTHING.

Number two.  America doesn't have an official language.  You aren't required to be able to speak English to live in our country.  English is not "American."  There is no language called American.  The English language didn't originate in the United States.  If we were going to have an official language it should probably be something Native American.  It makes sense.  We did steal their land, rape their women, force them to adopt our religions and beliefs and give them smallpox infested blankets.  If we were going to adopt an official language the very least and I mean the VERY LEAST we could do is that.

Third, you have no right to bitch about people not speaking "American" if you can't even speak and write it properly yourself.  If you don't know the difference between "your" and "you're" then shut the fuck right up.  Your arguments are null and void.  Even if I did take the time to listen to them, they would be unitelligible gibberish.  Shut.  It.

People act like Coke has done this insane thing.  Obviously, people have pretty short memories.  Does no one remember the Coke campaign from the early '70's with people from all over the world joining hands and singing about peace and harmony.  People loved that shit.  Seriously, they ate it up.  I remember growing up and during every Super Bowl an adult would mention how much they loved that commercial.  So, it's not like Coke hasn't had a similar commercial before.  It was one of their most popular campaigns!  So, 1971 was more tolerant than 2014?  That is what you're trying to sell me.  OK.  

So, yeah, people need to just quit it with the racism and they need to stop trying to defend themselves, because there is no defense.  None.  

I Actually Watched This… Miley Cyrus Unplugged

The "Bangerz" Singer Brings What You'd Expect and Some Things You Maybe Wouldn't for Her MTV Special

Last night, Miley Cyrus brought songs from her super successful album, Bangerz, to the unplugged stage.  There was a lot of what you've come to expect from the pop diva.  There was twerking, tongue, midgets and a horse, not to mention the Queen of Pop, but there were some things maybe you weren't expecting.  There was savvy, some self deprecation and most importantly, some pretty great performances.  I have to say, I have kind of a love/hate relationship with the Lady Cyrus, but with this special, she may have won me over.  For more on Miley Unplugged, hit the jump.